The resident faculty left a journal article from 2019 announcing that the BPI Fizzix Department has perfected a time travel machine. We hope this was a clue. (More)

First our thanks to last week’s writers:

On Monday, you shared your stories of offline political activism in Things We Did This Week, addisnana was One Handed in Midday Matinee, and winterbanyan offered Weather and Flu in Our Earth.

On Tuesday, Winning Progressive wondered that Thomas Friedman Wants 43 More Friedman Units to Decide on the Iraq War? in Morning Feature, the Squirrel ranted on The Great Wall of Arrogance in Furthermore!, readers helped tell Tuesday’s Tale: March Madness in Midday Matinee, and winterbanyan shared the fallacy of Wind Turbine Syndrome in Our Earth.

On Wednesday, Winning Progressive shared Comments on Marriage Equality at the Court, 350.org, and More in Morning Feature, we detailed the dangers of SCOTUS and Prop 8: Findings of Fact and Judicial Activism in Furthermore!, addisnana pondered life Before Closets in Midday Matinee, and winterbanyan reported Voluntary Fracking Standards in Appalachia in Our Earth.

On Thursday, we began our series on Common Sense Problems with Common and Sensible? in Morning Feature and triciawyse brought us Fursday Furries in Midday Matinee.

On Friday, we continued our series on Common Sense Problems with When Common Sense is False in Morning Feature, triciawyse shared Frieday Critters in Midday Matinee, and winterbanyan warned of Lions and Tigers and Extinction in Our Earth.

On the weekend, we concluded our series on Common Sense Problems with When Evidence Defies Common Sense in Saturday’s Morning Feature, Ms. Crissie was asked if Marriage a Slam Dunk? in Sunday’s Morning Feature, and winterbanyan brought our weekly Eco News Roundup in Our Earth.

Note: Please share your stories of offline political activism in Things We Did This Week.

Thus we return to the journal article left outside the mail room as the resident faculty made their way from the wine cellar library where they spent the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”) to the hot tub faculty lounge for their weekly game where the underwear goes flying planning conference.

The article purports to be from the Spring 2019 issue of the Journal of Quantum Scheduling and describes the success of the BPI Fizzix Department in building a time machine. Because quantum events cannot be scheduled for reasons to obvious to explain – i.e.: we don’t understand it either – the staff thought the article must be an April Fool’s Day hoax, the resident faculty’s weekly clue, or both.

That thought was confirmed when we saw that the article cited the published version of the Squirrel’s thesis in 21st Century Political Nuttitude. Not even he expects to finish his thesis by 2019, although he did take notes from the citation, just in case Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) steps to the Senate podium on April 1st, 2015 to say: “I can’t believe you fell for that crap I’ve been saying! Longest. April. Fool’s. Joke. Ever.”

The staff then turned to deciphering the clue, which proved easy once the Squirrel forwarded us an email from Winning Progressive, who cited a work commitment today and tomorrow and asked to write Morning Feature on Friday and Saturday this week. The resident faculty agreed and said they will write Morning Feature Tuesday through Thursday, and your lowly mail room clerk will return on Sunday for Ask Ms. Crissie.

So this week there will be time travel, of a sort, at least in our quantum of scheduling. And maybe that Higgs Boson will stop buzzing around the mail room….

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Happy April Fool’s Day!