The resident faculty left a Post-Employment Survey outside the mail room this morning. As they can’t fire the staff, it had to be a clue. (More)
First our thanks to last week’s writers:
On Monday, you shared your stories of offline political activism in Things We Did This Week and addisnana offered thoughts on A Bug? in Midday Matinee.
On Tuesday, Winning Progressive pondered Marco Romney or Mitt Rubio? in Morning Feature, the Squirrel reviewed Remember the Maine 5: Remember With a Vengeance in Furthermore!, readers helped tell Tuesday’s Tale: The Just Us League in Midday Matinee, and winterbanyan reported on a Bird Mutation Uncovered in Our Earth.
On Wednesday, Winning Progressive discussed Marco Rubio: Reviving the Economics of George W. Bush and Calvin Coolidge in Morning Feature, the Squirrel opened a bottle of Chateaux Fauxrage in Furthermore!, addisnana celebrated Immigrants in Midday Matinee, and winterbanyan found Saving Sight in Our Earth.
On Thursday, Winning Progressive shared Comments on Catholicism, Drones, the Minimum Wage, and More in Morning Feature, the Squirrel warned of Rumors and Lies in Furthermore!, and winterbanyan shared Exploring the Earth’s Interior in Our Earth.
On the weekend, we concluded our series on Ideological Blinders with Slippery Slopes and Ancient Aliens in Saturday’s Morning Feature, Ms. Crissie was asked to Watch Those Moguls? in Sunday’s Morning Feature, Winning Progressive shared Weekend Reading in Furthermore!, we chuckled at Silly Sunday: The Oscar Acceptance Speech in Evening Focus, and winterbanyan brought our weekly Eco News Roundup in Our Earth.
Note: Please share your stories of offline political activism in Things We Did This Week.
Thus we return to the Post-Employment Survey left outside the mail room by the resident faculty, as they made their way from the
wine cellar library where they spent the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis Vinum, Magis Verum (“More wine, more truth”) to the hot tub faculty lounge for their weekly game where the underwear goes flying planning conference.
The resident faculty can’t fire the staff, and they don’t intend to quit their tenured positions. We know this because neither the resident faculty nor the staff are, strictly speaking, “employed” by Blogistan Polytechnic Institute. We work here, but we don’t get paid.
This came as a surprise to the Squirrel, who texted on his Blewberry: “So I’m not the only one?”
He is our roving reporter, a work-study program assignment he accepted to cover his tuition while he finishes his thesis on 21st Century Political Nuttitude. He liked that idea until he learned the BPI charges no tuition. We didn’t have the heart to tell him that the entire the staff, and the resident faculty, had fallen for variations of the same ruse. We won’t identify the culprit, but we will say that P. Porcine, the Earl of Swinesty, is our Villain Emeritus for good reason. But we digress.
Thus, the staff quickly recognized that the Post-Employment Survey was the resident faculty’s weekly clue. To decipher it, we turned to the BPI Cryptographic Committee, who grumbled that he hadn’t volunteered to serve on the committee we just announced him to be, then sighed and returned to his Blewberry. While he worked, the rest of the staff discussed last night’s Oscar winners and their collective failure to use the Sample Acceptance Speech we graciously wrote but forgot to send them.
Soon enough the Squirrel got back to us:
Squirrel@BPI: Last Sunday Slate‘s Matthew Yglesias proposed a Guaranteed Basic Income, and on Saturday The New York Times‘ Ross Douthat wrote a column titled “A World Without Work”. This week they’ll revisit the idea of subsidizing labor to boost employment and personal opportunity. I guess it’s nice to know the resident faculty pay attention my Twitter feed.
The staff asked the Squirrel if he’s campaigning for tenure. He grumbled and texted back: “What difference would that make?”
We explained that he would get a key to the
wine cellar library and the hot tub faculty lounge.
“You mean the
hot tub faculty lounge squirrel bath?” he asked.