Representative Allen West (D-FL) seems to be vying for star billing in the anals of Political Nuttitude. And yes, I do know how to spell “annals.” (More)

In fact, squirrels are very good spellers. Had the original animal photo-comedy site been about us, it would have been titled MayIHaveAMacadamia rather than ICanHazCheeseburger. Partly that’s because Blewberries have long had spell checkers, while iHazPhones only added that recently. Okay, that’s most of it. Maybe all of it.

Regardless, I didn’t misspell “annals.” It may seem like a juvenile joke, but for once I’m taking a cue from Grover Norquist, who yesterday called Mitt Romney a “poopy head.”

Yes, really. Maybe Republicans will start giving each other wedgies or sticking each others’ heads in toilets. Or putting gum in each others’ hair. I for one would love to see Speaker John Boehner turn to walk away from reporters after a press conference … and watch the cameras zoom in on a “Kick Me!” sticker that Majority Whip Eric Cantor stuck to his back.

But I’ll save the Childish Tantrum Award for Rep. Allen West (D-FL), who still refuses to concede even after state elections officials certified the victory of Patrick Murphy in Florida’s 18th U.S. House District. Murphy’s margin of victory was narrow – 1907 votes after a recount of early votes cast on three days when there were data glitches – but still larger than the 0.5% threshold for an automatic full recount.

This is hardly Rep. West’s first tantrum. For example, there was his outburst in 2003 while he was in Iraq, when he captured Iraqi police officer Yahya Jhodri Hamoodi, had Hamoodi hooded and beaten, and finally fired his pistol near Hamoodi’s head, in an attempt to extract information about a recent ambush. Hamoodi made up a story to end the torture, although events later showed Hamoodi was not involved in and knew nothing about the ambush. Lieutenant Colonel West was charged with violating Articles 128 and 134 of the Uniform Code of Military Justice, convicted in an Article 15 administrative hearing, fined $5000, and allowed to retire. While 90 Republicans in Congress and President George W. Bush’s Secretary of the Army signed a letter praising Lt.Col. West – and conservatives still call him a “war hero” – in plain fact he was a convicted war criminal.

That qualified him to run for Congress as a Tea Party Republican, which he did in 2010, and since then he’s been what you might call an enema of the state, whose lowlight reel includes:

  • He called for censoring U.S. news outlets, and said respecting the First Amendment rights of other religions would “give our freedom away.”
  • He said President Obama wanted to “enslave Americans” and called the president’s supporters “a threat to the gene pool.”
  • He also called President Obama a “secret Muslim” and a member of the Muslim Brotherhood.
  • In a tale worthy of Tailgunner Joe McCarthy, Rep. West said the House Progressive Caucus were all communists.
  • He also said the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program “enslaves people” and called Social Security “21st century slavery.”
  • He said Rep. Barney Frank (D-MA) “should be in a pink jumpsuit.”
  • He said women had “neutered” American men and made them “subservient.”
  • Lest he leave anyone out, Rep. West called the DREAM Act a “backdoor effort” to commit voter fraud, and likened undocumented immigrants to military invaders.

He insulted the U.S. Constitution, smeared President Obama, tried to revive McCarthyism, and lashed out at hardworking American families, seniors, African-Americans, LGBTs, women, non-Christians, and Hispanics. I wonder why he lost….

Regardless, I’ll paraphrase Horace Greeley:

Washington is not a place for you to live in. The rents are high, the food is bad, the dust is disgusting and the morals are deplorable. Especially since you got there. Go West, poopy head, go West and grow up.

Maybe your Republican colleagues will put a tack on your chair, to help you along.

Good day and good nuts.