Professor Plum wore a beatific smile as he entered the mail room. When we asked why, he responded: “I don’t know.”

He read the mail. (More)

Ms. Scarlet then led Professor Plum off to join the resident faculty in the wine cellar library, where they’ll spend the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”). In the staff poker game, the Professor of Astrology Janitor was also enjoying ignorant bliss, having begun the hand a pair of Aces and now seeing an Ace and two Jacks on the flop. After Chef checked, the Professor of Astrology Janitor put in a tentative-seeming bet, which Chef raised. Hardly able to contain his glee, he added a raise of his own, and soon all of their chips were in the middle of the table. He proudly flipped over his pocket Aces to show his full house, and Chef turned over her pocket Jacks for four of a kind. He began his plaintive mewling, and Chef went to the kitchen to make Apple Turnovers, leaving your lowly mail room clerk to review the week’s correspondence….

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

A supporter asked me about evolution but I don’t see that as even a matter of science because I don’t know that you can prove one or the other. That’s one of those things. We can talk about theology and all of those other things but I’m basically concerned about, you’ve got a choice between Claire McCaskill and myself. If people want to do theoretical stuff, we can do that, but I think I better stay on topic.

Todd in MO

Dear Todd,

We agree that you should avoid “theoretical stuff,” as you clearly haven’t a clue about the vast body of scientific evidence for evolution. That evidence has been growing ever since Charles Darwin and Alfred Russel Wallace proposed the theory of natural selection in 1858. The discovery of DNA molecules and their role in heredity in the 1950s, and subsequent comparisons and analysis, have enabled biologists to track the process of genetic mutation and selection over millenia. That said, perhaps you should stick to “theoretical stuff,” as you recently criticized Sen. McCaskill for not being “ladylike” and in 2008 said doctors were “giving abortions to women who are not pregnant.” We trust the women of Missouri will soon tell you to stuff it … theoretically, of course.

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

Our economic system has been the envy of the world for generations, but it seems to get more convoluted and more onerous every year. Under this administration it has become a system that punishes those who dare to dream, those who dare to invest, those who dare to work hard or succeed. It seems to reward the mediocrity – dare I say it, slothfulness and laziness – of those who choose not to do those things. Furthermore, it creates a dependency on government programs, even an addiction I would say, by virtue of the sense of entitlement that it creates. I can tell you, those people aren’t the 99 percent.

John in WA

Dear John,

We wonder what economic system you are discussing, as data show that while the median family income has fallen since 2008, the richest 1% of Americans are richer than ever. While there are many reasons – technology, globalization, and government policies that favor the rich over the rest – neither slothfulness nor laziness are among them. Indeed a 2011 Bureau of Labor Statistics report found Americans are working longer hours, just to keep their sliding incomes from collapsing even faster. The problem is not that too few Americans work hard, but that too few hard-working Americans are paid decent wages … because the richest 1% take 20% of our national income.

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

I would rather have remained blissfully ignorant of those two correspondents. Maybe I’ll feel better after breakfast. So how do I make Chef’s Apple Turnovers?

Blisslessly Hungry in Blogistan

Dear Blisslessly Hungry,

We apologize for disturbing your bliss, and hope Chef’s Apple Turnovers will restore it. To make them, first peel, core, and slice 4 Granny Smith apples and put them in a bowl with 4 cups of water and 2 Tbsp of lemon juice to prevent browning. Then melt 2 Tbsp of butter in a skillet over medium heat, drain the apples, and cook and stir them for 2 minutes. Add 4 cups of brown sugar and 1 tsp of cinnamon, then cook and stir for another 2 minutes. Stir together 1 tsp each of cornstarch and water, and stir that into the seasoned apples for another minute until the sauce thickens. Take the skillet off the heat and allow the apples and sauce to cool while you open a 17.5-ounce package of puff pastry sheets. Unfold both pastry sheets and cut them into squares, then cut each into four smaller squares. Spoon the apples and sauce into the center of each square and fold them diagonally, pressing the edges to seal them, then place them on a baking sheet about 1″ apart. Bake at 400° for 25 minutes, until the pastries are puffed and lightly browned, then let cool on a baking rack and drizzle with a glaze mixed from 1 cup confectioners sugar, 1 Tbsp milk, and 1 tsp vanilla extract. Bon appétit!

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Todd in MO; much more ladylike then; giving abortions to women who are not pregnant.

John in WA; median family income has fallen; richest 1% are richer than ever; government policies that favor the rich over the rest; Americans are working longer hours; richest 1% take 20% of national income.

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Happy Sunday!