“I wish headlines were more accurate,” Professor Plum said. “But I guess ‘Romney Lies Again’ would get stale pretty quickly.” (More)

Yet again, Professor Plum had read the mail. Ms. Scarlet took his hand and they left to join the resident faculty in the wine cellar library, where they spend the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”). In the staff poker game, the Professor of Astrology Janitor seemed poised to upset an equally consistent pattern, having built a sizable chip lead with a blend of good hands, timely draws, astute folds, and skillful bluffs. That seemed to continue as he peeked down at a pair of Queens, yet Chef had called to open and now reraised after the Professor of AstrologyProfessor of Astrology Janitor began his plaintive mewling as he tossed his Queens into the muck. Chef did him the courtesy of showing her Aces before heading for the kitchen to make a Ham and Cheese Grits Casserole, leaving your lowly mail room clerk to review the week’s correspondence….

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

President Obama’s lawsuit claiming it is unconstitutional for Ohio to allow servicemen and women extended early voting privileges during the state’s early voting period is an outrage. The brave men and women of our military make tremendous sacrifices to protect and defend our freedoms, and we should do everything we can to protect their fundamental right to vote. I stand with the fifteen military groups that are defending the rights of military voters, and if I’m entrusted to be the commander-in-chief, I’ll work to protect the voting rights of our military, not undermine them.

Mitt in La MANHCA

Dear Mitt,

We congratulate you on wanting to protect voting rights for those who serve in our military, and we regret that Facts has left you yet again. Alas, Facts stubbornly insists that, since 2005, Ohio allowed early voting for all registered voters over the weekend before an election. Facts notes that this year the Republican-led Ohio legislature changed that law to eliminate early voting during that weekend except for members of the military, and that the Department of Justice filed suit to block the new law and allow all Ohioans to vote during that weekend. Facts also notes that this lawsuit would in no way diminish the voting rights of our military, whose members in Ohio could vote during that weekend just like other registered voters in that state.

You may think it mere coincidence that a Republican-led state legislature allowed extra, exclusive voting access for a class of people – members of our military – who more often vote Republican, while simultaneously ending the “souls to the polls” turnout campaign in black churches, whose members more often vote for Democrats. But Facts stubbornly points to a widespread pattern of Republican-passed limits on voting that disproportionately affect people who usually vote for Democrats: women, college students, persons of color, and the poor, and that a Pennsylvania state legislator admitted the new voting laws were set up to favor Republicans. Given the consistency of this pattern of voter suppression – and the admission of partisan intent – we have no doubt the Republican-led Ohio legislature passed this law to privilege likely-Republican voters and disadvantage likely-Democratic voters.

While some in the media are content to report this story with little attention to Facts – and others in the media insist on a false equivalence between President Obama highlighting your flaws to discourage conservative voters and your party trying to prevent people from voting at all – we think Facts has earned more respect than you and they have shown her. We realize Facts can be stubborn, but you really should apologize and make up with her.

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

I think Professor Plum is right. Despite its accuracy, the headline ‘Romney Lies Again’ would get stale after the running every day for weeks on end. I hope Chef’s Ham and Cheese Grits Casserole will be fresher. How do I make it?

Freshly Hungry in Blogistan

Dear Freshly Hungry,

Chef notes that her Ham and Cheese Grits Casserole rarely lasts long enough to get cool, let alone stale. To make it, boil ½ cup of water and add ½ cup of grits and 1 Tbsp of butter, then cover and reduce the heat to simmer for 20 minutes. While the grits are cooking, dice and brown 1 slice of dinner ham in 1 Tbsp of butter, in a 6″ skillet over medium-high heat. Remove the skillet from the heat when the ham is browned and stir the grits into the ham once they are fully cooked. Then fold in two raw eggs, sprinkle ½ cup of shredded cheddar cheese over the top, and bake at 400°F for 10 minutes until the eggs are set and the cheese is lightly browned. Bon appétit!

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Mitt in La MANHCA; since 2005, Ohio allowed early voting for all during weekend before election; “souls to the polls” campaign in black churches; widespread pattern of Republican-passed limits on voting; Pennsylvania legislator admitted new voting laws set up for partisan advantage; some in the media content to report with little attention to Facts; false equivalence.

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Happy Sunday!