“We need another volume of Merlot,” Professor Plum announced, although Chef restocked just last week. He must have read the mail. (More)

Chef keeps extra bottles books in the pantry for cooking, and Professor Plum and Ms. Scarlet took one to the resident faculty in the wine cellar library, where they’ll spend the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”). The Squirrel was brighter-eyed and bushier-tailed after winning last week’s staff poker game, but the cards weren’t falling for him this week. When the Professor of Astrology Janitor called Chef’s opening raise, the Squirrel folded and went back to Chitter on his Blewberry. Chef bet again on the Ace-Ten-Deuce flop with two Hearts. The Professor of Astrology Janitor’s Jack and Ten of Hearts gave him a pair and a flush draw. He called, thinking Chef probably had an Ace for a higher pair. Chef checked when the Jack of Clubs came on the turn. Now with two pair and the flush draw, the Professor of Astrology figured he was probably ahead and bet the pot. Chef pondered for a moment and called. The Three of Diamonds on the river did not seem likely to help anyone, but Chef bet the pot. Sure she was trying to bluff with only a paired Ace, the Professor of Astrology Janitor quickly called. Chef turned over the King and Queen of Diamonds for the Ace-high straight, and the Professor of Astrology Janitor began his plaintive mewling. Chef left for the kitchen to finish her 24-Hour Wine And Cheese Omelet Casserole, leaving your lowly mail room clerk to review the week’s correspondence….

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

Really? This silver spoon business? Are they going to do that about every Republican while simultaneously revering FDR and JFK? They really were pure silver spoon aristocrats inheriting all their money. Mitt Romney gave away all the money he inherited. He made it on his own. And the silver spoon Obama got – I mean that generation, it can’t be denied, you can’t support affirmative action and then pretend it doesn’t exist. You don’t transfer from Occidental, which by his own accounts in his autobiography he mostly spent smoking pot, to a fine Ivy League university like Columbia if you’re not checking off ‘black’ on your application. So you know, the silver spoon since I’ve been alive has been an affirmative action silver spoon.

Ann in FL

Dear Ann,

We commend your factual accuracy regarding President’s Roosevelt and Kennedy, who did indeed inherit their wealth. Alas, your factual accuracy ends there. As Ann Romney said in a 1994 interview, Mitt supported them in college by selling tens of thousands of dollars worth of American Motors stock that his father had given him. President Obama, like most young Americans, had no such inheritance to rely on. As for your affirmative action claim, we suggest that redressing the lingering structural inequality created by three centuries of racial oppression hardly qualifies as a “silver spoon,” except to whites who believe they have an inherent right to privilege.

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

I’m not going to apologize for my dad’s success, but I know the president likes to attack fellow Americans. He’s always looking for a scapegoat, particularly those that have been successful like my dad, and I’m not going to rise to that. This is a time for us to solve problems. This is not a time for us to be attacking people, we should be attacking problems. And if I’m president, I will stop the attack on fellow Americans. I’ll stop the attack on people and start attacking the problems that have been looming over this country.

Mitt in La MANHCA

Dear Mitt,

We note that no one has asked you to apologize for your father’s success. However, we suggest that you might at least acknowledge how much your father contributed to your success: by sending you to exclusive prep schools for junior and senior high school, by giving you the stock you sold to support yourself while at college, and by loaning you the money to buy your first home. Instead you not only seem to take his generosity for granted, but talk as if anyone else could follow the same well-tended path you walked. As for attacks on fellow Americans, we note that you embraced the House Republican budget that the U.S. Council of Catholic Bishops said fails to meet the moral criteria of protecting the poor by turning Medicare into a voucher system and cutting funding for Medicaid, the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program, and Pell Grants, all to offset yet more tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans. Apparently it’s okay to attack some Americans … just not Americans like you.

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

Obama is waging war on the rich. I started working when I was 12 years old. I never got a job from anyone who was poor. Thankfully, there were rich people around that made investments that allowed me to find work to put myself through school. Today, I own a global business that allows me to hire numerous employees and pay them good wages and benefits. This is possible because over the years I have signed my name risking capital to grow my business. Some years have been good and some have been bad. That is the whole basis of free market capitalism. Obama is an egg head Socialist professor surrounded by like types that believe government is the means of wealth creation. That is just not true. If anything, government is a wealth destroyer and job killer. We see it everyday as Obamanistas have added 11,000 new regulations since taking office. Regulations translate into higher cost for business, which means fewer jobs. This is just common sense.

Joseph in Blogistan

Dear Joseph,

We would congratulate you on your business success, but we note that your firm specializes in “international relocation management.” That sounds suspiciously like moving jobs overseas, which we concede is very profitable for business owners and consultants like you, but not so profitable for American workers. As for your claims about free market capitalism and regulations, we note that studies show workplace safety and environmental regulations actually benefit the economy by harms that are far more costly to address when they occur. We suggest that privatizing profits and socializing losses is not “free market capitalism.” It’s corporate welfare.

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

I don’t know what kind of cheese would go with those whines, but I bet it would be a really stinky kind. Please tell me Chef doesn’t use that stuff in her 24-Hour Wine And Cheese Omelette Casserole?

Sniffing for Breakfast in Blogistan

Dear Sniffing for Breakfast,

You will be pleased to hear that Chef’s recipe does not include that kind of cheese. She began making the casserole yesterday by tearing a loaf of day-old French bread into small pieces and placing them in the bottom of two buttered 9×13″ baking dishes. She next drizzled 3 Tbsp of melted butter over the bread crumbs, then tossed ¾ pound of shredded Swiss cheese with ½ of shredded Monterey Jack cheese and sprinkled that over the bread crumbs along with 9 slices of coarsely chopped Genoa salami. In a large bowl, Chef then beat 16 eggs together with 3¼ cups of milk, ½ cup of dry white wine, 4 minced green onions, 1 Tbsp of German mustard, ¼ tsp of black pepper, and a dash of red pepper, until the mixture was foamy. She then poured the egg mixture over the bread crumbs and cheese, covered the dishes with foil, and let them sit in the refrigerator overnight. This morning Chef baked the still-covered casseroles at 325° for one hour, then removed the foil and topped them with sour cream and grated Parmesan cheese. Bon appétit!

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Sources:

Ann in FL; Mitt supported them by selling stock.

Mitt in La MANHCA; embraced House Republican budget; fails to meet moral criteria; proposed cuts.

Joseph in Blogistan; international relocation management; regulations benefit the economy.

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Happy Sunday!