The resident faculty left their laundry log outside the mail room. The staff didn’t know they kept such a log, and hope it was a clue. (More)

First our thanks to last week’s writers:

On Monday, winterbanyan pondered The War on Women in Furthermore!, addisnana celebrated A Good Deed in Midday Matinee, we asked if Republicans favor Fiscal Responsibility or Fiscal Suicide? in Evening Focus, and winterbanyan shared Solved! Mystery That Stumped Ecosystem Modelers in Our Earth.

On Tuesday, Winning Progressive cautioned I Wouldn’t Trust Rick Santorum With My Access to Contraception in Morning Feature, addisnana offered An Incomplete History of the Tinfoil Hat in Furthermore!, readers collaborated on Tuesday’s Tale: Mow de Grass! in Midday Matinee, we considered The Politics of Economics in Evening Focus, and winterbanyan reported that Glaciers Reveal Impact of Industrial Revolution in Our Earth.

On Wednesday, we doubted whether Courts Choose Bachmann’s Friends and Neighbors in Morning Feature, the Squirrel wondered about ‘Satan’ in the GOP in Furthermore!, addisnana cheered Go Girl Scouts! in Midday Matinee, Winning Progressive saw that Thomas Friedman’s Destructive Obsession With Third Parties Continues in Evening Focus, and winterbanyan explored Causes of Cultural Variation in Our Earth.

On Thursday, we began our series on The Fox Effect with ‘Fair & Balanced’ in Morning Feature, triciawyse shared Fursdai Furries in Midday Matinee, Smartypants reported on the Republican Platform: Screw Fairness in Evening Focus, and winterbanyan shared A Twisted Tale of Hearing in Our Earth.

On Friday, we continued our series on The Fox Effect with The Fox Party in Morning Feature, addisnana mused Oh Richard! in Furthermore!, triciawyse brought us Friedai Critters in Midday Matinee, Winning Progressive shared an update with David Walker, CEO of the Comeback America Initiative, Responds in Evening Focus, and winterbanyan explored Zebras vs. Cattle in Our Earth.

On the weekend, we concluded our series on The Fox Effect with Changing the Story in Saturday’s Morning Feature, Ms. Crissie asked if Rick Santorum is Exactly Wrong? in Sunday’s Morning Feature, Winning Progressive shared Weekend Reading in Furthermore!, winterbanyan offered a thoughtful story of Hawks and Squirrels in Midday Matinee, we traveled through time with Silly Sunday: When Are We? in Evening Focus, and winterbanyan brought our weekly Eco News Roundup in Our Earth.

Note: The Morning Feature daily schedule is changed this week. I will offer a two-day series on Tuesday and Wednesday, and Winning Progressive will write on Thursday and Friday. Our regular Morning Feature schedule returns next week.

Also: Please share your stories of offline activism in Things We Did This Week.

Thus we return to the laundry log left by the resident faculty as they made their way from the wine cellar library where they spent the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”) to the hot tub faculty lounge for their weekly game where the underwear goes flying planning conference.

While coffee sometimes spews in BPI’s High-Energy Meta Mojo Elucidation Detector (HEMMED) Lab – keeping BPI’s not-so-state-of-the-art High Apathy Washers En Dryers (HAWED) Lab busy – the staff did not realize the resident faculty kept a log. Frankly, we did not want or need to know that Ms. Scarlet’s HAWED Lab activity last week included “jeans, two pair, size 2.” Chef suggested that Ms. Scarlet listed that just to boast. Your lowly mail room clerk agreed, especially as Ms. Scarlet’s entry concludes with “Nyah Nyah!”

“But people keep records of lots of things,” the Professor of Astrology Janitor offered. He showed us logs detailing his monthly usage of cleaning rags, buffer pads, and star charts. He had even found a statistical correlation between the number of cleaning rags used and the sarcasm index of a given week’s Bippiescopes.

“Wow!” Pootie the Precious texted on her iHazPhone. “I wunder wat dat meens.”

“Probably nothing,” the Professor of Astrology Janitor replied. “I got bored one night, so I surfed the internet and stumbled across a statistical correlation calculator. I plugged in sets of numbers from my log and other numbers I found on campus. Lo and behold, those two sets fit.”

“Maybee ur more sarkastik wen u cleen lotz,” Pootie the Precious suggested, undeterred.

“That’s it!” the Squirrel texted on his Blewberry.

“I wuz rite?” Pootie the Precious asked hopefully.

“Yes, sort of,” the Squirrel texted back. “Maybe the resident faculty will talk about how, with so much information available, it’s easy to find correlations that look meaningful but aren’t.”

“I go playz wiff mai spongee ball now,” Pootie the Precious texted.

The staff agreed that the Squirrel may be correct. We also hope the resident faculty discuss it in a way that doesn’t have everyone leaving to bat a spongee ball across the floor. If not, at least Pootie the Precious will have playmates.


Happy Monday!