“I’m going to the lah with the rest of the reh fah,” Professor Plum announced after a brief visit. He read the mail … again. (More)

Professor Plum returned the spare key to the mail lock box last week, yet still he read this week’s mail. That may be because we forgot to lock the box. Regardless, it was easy to translate his message: he was going to the wine cellar library with the rest of the resident faculty, to spend the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”). Meanwhile, the Professor of Astrology Janitor was having a good night in the staff poker game. He peeked down at two blah Kings and put in a strong opening bet. Chef called, and called again when the Ace of Spades and the Jack and Six of Hearts came on the flop. The turn brought the King of Hearts, and the Professor of Astrology pushed his chips into the middle. Chef called and turned up the Ace and Queen of Hearts, a flush to his three Kings. The Professor of Astrology Janitor had already begun his plaintive mewling when the Squirrel dealt the last card, the Six of Clubs, giving the Professor of Astrology Janitor a winning full house. Chef congratulated him before heading to the kitchen to make a Hash Brown Casserole, leaving your lowly mail room clerk to review the week’s correspondence….

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

You liberals just can’t hear. This week I said “I was in Indianola a few months ago and I was talking to someone who works in the department of public welfare here, and she told me that the state of Iowa is going to get fined if they don’t sign up more people under the Medicaid program. They’re just pushing harder and harder to get more and more of you dependent upon them so they can get your vote. That’s what the bottom line is. I don’t want to make blah people’s lives better by giving them somebody else’s money; I want to give them the opportunity to go out and earn the money.” I was going to say something else and I said “blah” instead, but you liberals all heard “black” because you want to sow seeds of racial division. Why?

Rick in PA

Dear Rick,

We agree that seeds of racial division have been sown in this race. We disagree as to who is sowing those seeds. We have listened to the original video, and your claim that you said “blah” rather than “black” is disingenuous at best. Republicans back to Ronald Reagan have painted a black face on public assistance programs, even though most of the people who need public assistance are white women and children. Your transparent denial pushed progressive writer AngryBlahLady into seething ennui. To quote her: “Le sigh.”

We agree that all Americans who can work would prefer to have jobs that pay living wages rather than relying on public assistance, but your party’s platform of cutting taxes and regulations for the rich while cutting education and the social safety net for everyone else will not make that happen.

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

That’s the same kind of elitist snobbery President Obama favors. He said every child should go to college. We are leaving too many children behind. They don’t want to go to college. They don’t need to go to college. I was so outraged that the President of the United States said every student should go to college. I have seven kids. Maybe they’ll all go to college. But if one of my kids wants to go and be an auto mechanic, good for him! That’s a good-paying job. Why don’t liberals like ordinary working people?

Rick in PA Again

Dear Rick,

We think you, rather than liberals, have a hearing problem. In his 2009 address to Congress, President Obama said: “I ask every American to commit to at least one year or more of higher education or career training. This can be community college or a four-year school; vocational training or an apprenticeship. But whatever the training may be, every American will need to get more than a high school diploma.” While not every good-paying job requires a four-year college degree, almost all living wage careers require a high school diploma and at least some additional training. Yet Republicans would eliminate dozens of educational programs, especially those that focus on blacks and Hispanics. In short, Republicans want rich whuhs to get college degrees, leaving blahs and hihs with access to only low-paying jobs. We agree that someone is peddling elitist snobbery. That someone would be yuh.

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

Uhh, okay. Does that translate to: “Republicans want rich whites to get college degrees, leaving blacks and Hispanics with access to only low-paying jobs?” Oh, and how does Chef make that Hash Brown Casserole?

Meh in Blogistan

Dear Meh,

Yes, your Rickish-to-English translator works properly. As for Chef’s Hash Brown Casserole, combine 2 pounds of frozen hash browns, ½ cup melted butter, 1 10.5-ounce can of cream of chicken soup, ½ cup of chopped onions, 1 8-ounce container of sour cream, 1 teaspoon of salt, and ¼ teaspoon of blah pepper in a large bowl, then spread into a 3-quart casserole dish. Next mix 2 cups of bread crumbs and ¼ cup melted butter, and spread over the top. Cover and bake at 350° for 30 minutes, then uncover and bake for another 10 minutes to make the top crispy. Bon appétit!

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Rick in PA; original video; black face on public assistance programs; most of the people on public assistance are white women and children; AngryBlahLady.

Rick in PA Again; they don’t need to go to college; 2009 address to Congress; Republicans would eliminate dozens of educational programs.

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Happy Sunday!