It’s hard to believe I’ve been known around BPI for two years. So much has changed. The hot tub faculty lounge squirrel bath was put in beside my tree. I modeled for the campus logo and many of the category logos. I became BPI’s roving reporter, to pay my tuition while I work on my thesis in 21st Century Political Nuttitude. (That seems like an odd deal because BPI doesn’t charge tuition, but I’m used to it.) They found my garden gnome. My roving reporter duties took me to conservative conferences, union protests, and even the U.S. Open golf tournament (after a side trip to cover a presidential golf outing). The baby was Regis and now he’s in college. I became BPI’s class war correspondent and covered the Occupy Wall Street movement for a few weeks. Then I took personal leave and got home just in time for the birth of our new babies, Nancy and Michelle.

And you wouldn’t know about any of that except the resident faculty, staff, and students held a Solstice Party….

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On the first day of Solstice, a squirrel said to me:

Red Squirrel Tree

Come dance around my tree.

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On the second day of Solstice, a squirrel said to me:

Red Squirrel Nut

Watch out for my nuts, but
Come dance around my tree.

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On the third day of Solstice, a squirrel said to me:

Red Squirrel Baby

Don’t wake the baby!
Watch out for my nuts, but
Come dance around my tree.

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On the fourth day of Solstice, a squirrel said to me:

Red Squirrel Screen

Who are all those people?
Don’t wake the baby!
Watch out for my nuts, hey,
That’s NOT dancing ’round my tree.

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On the fifth day of Solstice, a squirrel said to me:

Get Off My Lawn

GETT OFF MYY LAWWWN!
Who are all those people?
Don’t wake the baby!
Watch out for my nuts, hey,
That’s NOT dancing ’round my tree.

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On the sixth day of Solstice, a squirrel said to me:

Put Some Clothes On

Put some frigging clothes on.
GETT OFF MYY LAWWWN!
Who are all those people?
Don’t wake the baby!
Hey, those were my nuts, and
You can’t dance around my tree!

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On the seventh day of Solstice, a squirrel said to me:

Red Squirrel Bottle

Yes I’ll have some eggnog.
Put some frigging clothes on.
GETT OFF MYY LAWWWN!
Who are all those people?
Don’t wake the baby!
Hey, those were my nuts, and
You can’t dance around my tree!

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On the eighth day of Solstice, a squirrel said to me:

Red Squirrel Drinking

My that tastes delicious,
Sure I’ll have more eggnog.
Please put some clothes on.
PLEEEASE MOW MYY LAWWWN!
Who are all those people?
Is that my baby?
I can get more nuts.
Could you please find another tree?

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On the ninth day of Solstice, a squirrel said to me:

Squirrel Fluffy Tail

Yes my tail is fluffy.
My that tastes delicious,
Sure I’ll have more eggnog.
Won’t you take more clothes off?
PLEEEASE MOW MYY LAWWWN!
Who are all those people?
I don’t have a baby.
Never much liked nuts.
Could you please find another tree?

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On the tenth day of Solstice, a squirrel said to me:

Yes My Tail Is Fluffy

Yes it helps me balance,
And my tail is fluffy.
My that tastes delicious,
Sure I’ll have more eggnog.
What are clothes for anyway?
THAT’S MY GARDEN GNOME!
Oh wait that’s your brother.
I don’t have a baby.
Never much liked nuts, but,
Would you like to buy my tree?

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On the eleventh day of Solstice, a squirrel said to me:

Red Squirrel Cat

Oops, dear, excuse me!
Guess I lost my balance,
And my tail is fluffy.
My that tastes delicious,
Keep that eggnog comin’!
What are clothes for anyway?
THAT’S MY GARDEN GNOME!
Oh wait that’s your sister.
Whaddya mean a baby?
You’re a bunch of nuts, and,
Of course you can climb my tree!

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On the twelfth day of Solstice, a squirrel said to me:

Red Squirrel Sleeping

Whoa I’ve got a headache!
Oops, dear excuse me!
Yes it’s back there somewhere,
And my tail is fluffy.
My that was delicious,
Please no more eggnog!
Whose clothes am I wearing?
THAT’S MY GARDEN GNOME!
Oh wait that’s my wife,
Feeding the baby.
He’s a little nut, and,
We’re all living in MYYYYYY TREEEEEEEE!

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At least this year the BPI holiday tree is topped with a lighted macadamia.

Good day and good nuts.