Professor Plum presented the Squirrel with a summons to appear before the BPI Campus Twitter Review Board. Obviously he read the mail. (More)

Professor Plum quickly admitted that BPI has no Campus Twitter Review board. The Squirrel was relieved. He thought he must have stepped into another trap, as happened when he accepted the roving reporter job as a work-study position to pay his tuition, before learning that BPI does not charge tuition. Once she was sure the Squirrel was sure he was not in trouble, Ms. Scarlet left with Professor Plum to join the resident faculty in the wine cellar library, where they spend weekends drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”).

With the Squirrel thus calmed, the staff poker game was resumed. Chef had raised before the flop, and the Professor of Astrology Janitor had called with an Ace-Four of Diamonds. When the flop came Nine-Four-Four with two Spades, he was sure his three Fours led the hand and called Chef’s bet. When another Nine fell on the turn, giving him a full house, he raised Chef’s bet and was sure her call was a set up to try and bluff at the river. The final card was another Spade, and Chef bet all of her chips. Certain she had no more than a flush, the Professor of Astrology called. When Chef turned over her Ten-Nine of Clubs for a higher full house, the Professor of Astrology Janitor began his plaintive mewling. Chef scurried to the kitchen to make Turkey & Mashed Potato Pancakes, leaving your lowly mail room clerk to review the week’s correspondence….

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

I don’t understand why you liberals are so upset. After a student attending a mock legislative assembly sent a disparaging tweet about Governor Sam Brownback, I forwarded a copy of the tweet to the event organizers, so that they were aware what their students were saying in regards to the governor’s appearance. We monitor social media so we can see what Kansans are thinking and saying about the governor and his policies. We just felt it was appropriate for the organizers to be aware … because of what was said in the tweet.

Sherriene in KS

Dear Sherriene,

We concede that you did not instruct the event organizers to contact the student’s high school principal, who told her that she had created a “huge controversy and everyone was up in arms” and that he had to do “damage control,” before ordering her to write letters of apology to the governor and the event organizers. You simply lit the fuse that led to that blow-up … “because of what was said in the tweet.” That is, because an 18-year-old high school student tweeted a criticism of your boss. However admirable your loyalty, your ignorance of the First Amendment is appalling. In Tinker v. Des Moines Independent Community School District, students’ political speech is protected by the First Amendment, even during school functions, unless school officials show that the forbidden conduct would substantially interfere with appropriate school discipline. As Governor Brownback frequently cites the Tenth Amendment, perhaps he should respect the First.

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

Are you on a tax payer sponsored school field trip? If my tax dollars are sponsoring it you had better keep your nose clean little georgie. Twit on your own time.

Poto63 in KS

Dear Poto63,

We note that in Tinker the Supreme Court held the school district had not proven that wearing a black armband at school would substantially interfere with appropriate school discipline, and an armband is more disruptive than a tweet sent while sitting quietly at a school function. Your taxpayer status does not supersede the Supreme Court, and students at public schools and public school functions are not required to meet your personal standards of nasal cleanliness.

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

Students represent their schools. If a student at one school says the governor blows, and a student from another school says I disagree with the governor, which school looks better there. Teachers, advisors and principals tell their students all the time “behave, you represent our school”

Jordan in KS

Dear Jordan,

We agree that school officials often tell students that students represent the school. However, we suggest that school officials also represent the school, and here they represented it poorly. Again, no one outside the student’s then-handful of followers would have known read her tweet, but for the intervention of the governor’s office and school officials. As their doing so infringed on the student’s First Amendment rights, in direct contravention of long-standing Supreme Court precedent, we wonder if they are qualified to teach basic civics let alone sponsor a Youth in Government event.

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

I guess you still have leftovers from Chef’s Thanksgiving turkey. As it happens, so do I. Well, not from Chef’s Thanksgiving turkey. From mine. You probably knew that, but I thought I’d specify it, in case someone might be confused. I mean, someone might think I had Thanksgiving dinner on the main campus, and I didn’t. Not that I would be ashamed if I had, but I wasn’t invited. Not that I’m upset about not being invited, either. I’m not. Umm … what was I going to ask?

Hungrily Confused in Blogistan

Dear Hungrily Confused,

We think you were going to ask how to make Chef’s Turkey and Potato Pancakes. If so, it’s very easy. First mix 2 cups of leftover mashed potatoes in a bowl with 1 large, lightly beaten egg, 6 Tbsp of flour, ¾ cup of grated onion, and ¾ cup of finely-minced leftover turkey. Heat 4 Tbsp of olive oil in a skillet over medium-high heat, then drop heaping tablespoon-sized dollops of batter into the oil, flattening with a spatula if necessary. Cook about 1 minute on each side, until golden-brown. Chef tops hers with grated cheddar cheese and a fried egg. Bon appétit!

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Sources:

Sherriene in KS; Poto63 in KS; Jordan in KS; Tinker v. Des Moines Independent School District; Brownback on Tenth Amendment.

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Happy Sunday!