Ma always told us to be kind to those less fortunate and Pops took a dim view of us whooping up on weaker kids. I can’t say for sure (considering I’ve never seen her long-form birth certificate) but I think the former Madame Speaker is kin.

She must be related (I’m sure my proud African-American family will help me sift through the genealogy at the family reunion) because her folks taught her the very same stuff, even over there in that haven of Greed, Pride and Jealousy.

Yep, Cousin Nancy is certainly no Texan. Nope, down here in Perryland, we proudly treat folks with whom we disagree “pretty ugly.” And if there’s anyone on this planet who knows about ugly treatment, it’s our boy Jim Perry.

But Nancy’s compassionate streak compelled her to let our debate-challenged governor off easy. And for the life of me, I’m scratching my head trying to fathom why a candidate who can’t even remember which agencies he wants to eliminate would call attention to that fact by teeing it up as a debate topic.

Hey! Rick! So you want to debate a Democrat? Really??? I know one who wants to debate you. In fact, this guy‘s been begging you for a debate. He begged so long, someone started a countdown clock. You held off so long, national fact-checkers got involved.

If it’s simply a matter of needing practice, a gubernatorial debate or two would have been an amazing assist. Then again, Rick, we Texans know a little something … you’re no Rhodes scholar.  But you’re rather proud of that one. So, let me suggest to you a little technique I caught your esteemed colleague and Spanish linguist @THEHermanCain perfecting. Catch Herman’s move in this little video.

Since the entire Conservative Clown College student body is cribbing the same nonsense off the next guy, just pull a Herman. If you can’t figure out even that simple trick, I guess soon enough the country will be mumbling “Adios, MoFo” as you exit the national stage and do the walk of shame back home. We’ve got a big ole’ surprise waiting for ya!