I didn’t want to cover last night’s Republican presidential candidates debate. Yes, it was here in South Blogistan so I wouldn’t even have to travel far. Still, I knew the candidates and the crowd would get crazy, and I’d end up stopping at every market between the debate site and the BPI main campus to get more macadamias and calm myself. I’d end up sleeping on the ground beside my tree because I wouldn’t be able to climb it, and I’d wake up grumpy. I told the faculty senate all of this, in detail.

Hold on. I still have grass cuttings in my tail from sleeping on the ground.

Okay, back. First the Serious Political News, such as there was. The candidates agree that Social Security must remain sacrosanct for senior citizens who vote for Republicans. After that, you’re on your own.

Also, if you’re keeping score on treason, Rick Perry says Federal Reserve Chair Ben Bernanke is probably guilty, and Jon Huntsman says Rick Perry is definitely guilty unless he agrees to build a big fence across the Texas border with Mexico.

Or if he opposes cervical cancer. If God didn’t want women to get cervical cancer, he’d have made them immune to human papillomavirus. Just ask Michele Bachmann. But don’t ask Rick Perry, who can’t figure out which side of that he’s on. He made HPV inoculations mandatory – with a parental opt-out – as Governor of Texas. But when the Tea Party audience booed, he admitted maybe that went too far. It’s all about freedom, don’t you see …

… like the freedom to die at age 30, because you don’t have health insurance. The Tea Party audience erupted in cheers at that prospect:

And that’s when I knew I’d never be able to climb up to my bedbranch.

Ron Paul went on to say that churches and other charities should take care of him. Well sure, in Ideologia there are plenty of churches and charities who can afford and are willing to pay for six months of intensive care for someone. Come to think of it, in Ideologia you can get major medical health insurance for $200 or $300 per month.

In Realworldia, Family health insurance policies averaged $13,375 per year two years ago, and charitable donations were down 11% last year. I guess the Republicans are running for President of Fantasy Island.

If you recall, in the Rick Perry got huge cheers in the last debate for having executed 234 people. Last night they cheered about letting sick people die. This from the party that claims to be “pro-life.”

I’m going to chase Pootie the Precious around to work off those macadamias, then take a dip in the hot tub faculty lounge squirrel bath to get those grass clippings out.

Good day and good nuts.