Professor Plum was proud to announce that he finished in the top 10 of the inaugural BPI 5K run. Admittedly, there were only 9 entrants. (More)

Still, his finish was impressive. He completed the just-over-three-mile course in 35 minutes, a bit faster than a brisk walk. With no other competitors in sight, he pumped his arms in victory. Then Ms. Scarlet explained that there were no other competitors in sight because the other eight runners were already in the cool down tent. “No matter,” he said later, in the mail room. “It’s not about the race.”

He and Ms. Scarlet then left to join the rest of the resident faculty in the wine cellar library, where they’ll spend the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”). Having won the staff pool, the Professor of Astrology Janitor was delighted with Professor Plum’s finish. His winning streak continued into the staff poker game, where a series of good hands, well-timed bluffs, and astute folds had helped him amass a considerable pile of chips. When his Ace and King of Hearts made top two pair on an Ace-King-Six flop, victory seemed within his grasp. Alas, Chef held a pair of Sixes for three of a kind. Neither of the remaining Aces or Kings came to his rescue, and the Professor of Astrology Janitor began his plaintive mewling. That sent Chef scurrying to the kitchen to make Bacon and Blue Cheese Omelets, leaving your lowly mail room clerk to review the week’s correspondence….

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

I’ll apologize for calling President Obama “idiotic,” but I still won’t attend his address to Congress Thursday. Instead of being a prop for another one of the president’s speeches, I’ll fly home to Illinois to talk to real job creators. I also won’t apologize for saying he was only elected because he was black. We elected the president for who he was, a historic figure, and it made the country feel good to elect him, and the media did not vet him. But that’s not about race. White, black, yellow, brown, whatever, we have a president right now who is bankrupting this country and destroying job creation in the country, and I think it is purely political for him to call a Joint Session of Congress to announce some jobs plan.

Joe in IL

Dear Joe,

We applaud your apology for calling President Obama “idiotic,” but not your disrespect in refusing to attend his address to Congress. You seemingly find it inconceivable that a majority of Americans, after weighing the candidates, and after every detail of his life was picked over by opponents and the media, chose President Obama based on his qualifications. Instead you insist he was chosen based on his race, while denying your criticism is grounded in racism. And while you may consider it “purely political” for the president to address Congress and the nation to propose “some jobs plan,” 14 million unemployed Americans may disagree.

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

Democrats shouldn’t talk about racism. When you look at the history of the black community with the Democratic Party, you see slavery, you see segregation, you see the Jim Crow Laws, you see secession and now you see socialism which is really not beneficial to the black community. And we already talked about those unemployment statistics in the black community. You’re seeing the second or third generations of welfare ever since we had the great society programs and even Daniel Patrick Moynihan once gave warning to some of the policies that we were going to see implemented in the black community with the destruction of the black family.

Allen in FL

Dear Allen,

We concede that, prior to the 1964 Civil Rights Act and the 1965 Voting Rights Act, many white southern Democrats openly embraced racist policies. We also note that, after those legislative landmarks, most of those white southern Democrats became white southern Republicans. As for the effect of the Great Society on black poverty, a 2009 U.S. Census Bureau report while the median income for blacks was still 32% less than for all races in 2008, the median income for blacks rose by the same percentage as for all races from 1967-2008. The lingering effects of systemic racism, not Great Society programs, are the primary reason for black poverty.

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

Allen in FL doesn’t belong in the Republican Party anyway. On Friday the National Policy Institute will reveal our comprehensive yet simple plan for Republican victory in 2012: Win the White Vote. We call it “The Majority Strategy,” and we believe Republicans must expand their white base rather than continuing failed “outreach” strategies to racial minorities. The next day we will begin our conference in the Ronald Reagan Building on the National Mall. Our theme will be “Towards a New Nationalism” and we will focus on the original meaning of “nation,” which is a race: a people who share a common experience, tradition, and – most important – ancestry. Who speaks for White Americans? We do.

Louis in GA

Dear Louis,

We do not agree that you speak for white Americans, perhaps because your ‘experts’ and ‘scholars’ are more focused on promoting simplistic racist ideology than understanding the complexities of human societies. For example, actual scholars at the Nationalism Project admit there is no consensus on a definition for the word nation, nor when and how “nations” came into being. They offer discuss definitions ranging from “an imagined political community” to those who “share the same culture” to “a large social group integrated not by one but by a combination of several kinds of objective relationships (economic, political, linguistic, cultural, religious, geographical, historical), and their subjective reflection in collective consciousness” to “a soul, a spiritual principle.” In short, your call to turn the 2012 election into a racial contest has nothing to do with building a nation, and everything to do with destroying one.

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

These people are … tiring. I want to go to the kitchen and make Bacon and Blue Cheese Omelets. What recipe does Chef use?

Eggsausted in Blogistan

Dear Eggsausted,

The Bacon and Blue Cheese Omelet recipe is a model of simplicity. Melt ½ tablespoon of butter in a nonstick frying pan over medium heat, then warm one slice of cooked and crumbled bacon until it sizzles. While the bacon is warming, whisk two eggs together with 1 tablespoon of cream, then pour over the bacon. Cook the eggs until the edges begin to set up, then sprinkle 1½ tablespoons of blue cheese over half of the omelet and fold the other half over. Sprinkle another ½ tablespoon of blue cheese on top, salt and pepper to taste, and slide the omelet onto a plate. Bon appétit!

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Sources:

Joe in IL; “idiotic;” instead of being a prop; because he was black; 14 million unemployed Americans.

Allen in FL; white southern Democrats became white southern Republicans; 2009 U.S. Census Bureau report.

Louis in GA; national conference; who speaks for White Americans; Nationalism Project; definitions of nation.

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Happy Sunday!