Today in history, greetings, and social banter here. (More)

Caligula became emperor today (37). Also, Jacques de Molay was executed (1314), England banished the Torpuddle Martyrs for forming a trade union (1834), Henry Wells and William Fargo founded American Express (1850), and the OPEC embargo ended (1974). And twelve paintings valued at a combined $300 million were stolen from the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum (1990).

The Janitor Professor of Astrology was relieved to note that no Knights Templar attempted to heist this week’s Bippiescopes….

Pisces: Yes, there is a Day After St. Patrick’s Day. Drink lots of water.

Aries: Go howl at the moon this weekend. Or let it come howl at you.

Taurus: If someone tries to sell you Vermeer’s The Concert, call the cops. There’s a reward.

Gemini: Embargo is not what a bartender says when you ask for directions. Unless he’s refusing.

Cancer: Your stars are phonetic. Something about don’t, burn, and stake. Or maybe steak.

Leo: Avoid emperors who appoint their horses as a priests. In fact, just avoid emperors.

Virgo: You can sort the green clothes to the back of the closet again. And the Guinness.

Libra: Actually, Torpuddle is not a small pool of online anonymity. It’s a village in Dorset County.

Scorpio: It’s National Lacy Oatmeal Cookie Day. Any excuse will do.

Sagittarius: The Festival of Extraterrestrial Abductions is Sunday. Plan accordingly.

Capricorn: Calculate pi this weekend. We’ll wait.

Aquarius: While the Capricorns are calculating pi, let’s eat some.

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Good morning! ::hugggggs::