Today’s output from Blogistan Polytechnic Institute’s state-of-the-art HEMMED (High-Energy Meta Mojo Elucidation Detector) machine is TOP SECRET. I think.
After a month long investigation, we can finally report on the mysterious whereabouts of the HEMMED Lab operator during the last week of October. The following information was obtained by WikiDrips through sources close to a combined CIA-A&W surveillance operation.
This operation began when REDACTED learned the HEMMED Lab operator and the resident faculty had made plans to use the Mobile HEMMED Unit (MHEMMED) to “go for Cubans.” The MHEMMED is not fully operational. Its output is limited to a single photobucket picture of a critter enjoying a snack on the beach. Threat assessment of MHEMMED: REDACTED.
The subjects began with a grueling 18 holes of REDACTED golf in the 105% humidity. The MHEMMED operator – codename JUMPING ALFALFA NOODLE FREQUENCY – would have won but for the unexpected water hazard created by sweat dripping off her forehead and associates who would not let her take a REDACTED on the 14th hole. JANF was heard to exclaim: “Darn you, leaf on the astroturf green!” Decoding software assessed this statement as meaning REDACTED.
The MHEMMED operator was then met by two other associates – codenamed NEBULOUS CALICO BARN and WARBLING BASKET – known to serve on the REDACTED resident faculty. NCB and WB met JANF and proceeded to the guard shack, where NCB appeared to have difficulty using a secret decoder card. She inserted it upside down, inside out and then finally right-side up. Our observers believe this was an intentional ruse and have determined its meaning as REDACTED.
The subjects then proceeded to rendezvous with two other persons with whom JANF was traveling, posing as family. Background investigations revealed these subjects are not members of the REDACTED faculty but are instead participating in a long-term domestic operation codenamed HOUSEHOLD. The purpose of HOUSEHOLD is REDACTED.
Surveillance showed the subjects then used the MHEMMED to access REDACTED, seeking directions to find “the Cubans.” Claiming they had no printer, the subjects wrote the directions on a sheet of REDACTED. The subjects then exited the compound and headed toward a location codenamed MOUSETOWN. There they feigned difficulty in finding “the Cubans,” claiming the street name MOUSETOWN could mean any of:
1. MOUSETOWN Boulevard
2. MOUSETOWN Street
3. MOUSETOWN Circle
4. MOUSETOWN Avenue
5. MOUSETOWN Switchback
This was clearly a counter-surveillance ruse, as subjects followed MOUSETOWN Switchback to MOUSETOWN Avenue, crossed MOUSETOWN Boulevard, looped back on MOUSETOWN Circle, and parked directly across the street from their destination: REDACTED.
The subjects then programmed a time machine for 1905 and gave orders for “the Cubans” to be brought out. The subjects carried out plans for Operation EAGLE ARCHIVE TONSIL, then inquired about REDACTED cream for dessert. Subjects learned that ice REDACTED was not available at that location. Subjects again engaged in counter-surveillance techniques, taking MOUSETOWN Circle over MOUSETOWN Boulevard to MOUSETOWN Avenue and then MOUSETOWN Switchback before heading west on REDACTED.
Subjects left MOUSETOWN and infiltrated our surveillance headquarters – codenamed ARCHIVE & WOOF – where they purchased a cup of REDACTED for dessert. Subjects then returned to the MHEMMED operations center, where they discussed Operation ORDINARY STUFF. Decoding software analysis found this to mean REDACTED.
The combined CIA-A&W surveillance operation was then terminated. Our conclusions can be summarized as: REDACTED.
Which leaves us with one question.
Is The Cuban Incident the most serious threat to our national security ever? Or … is it just a sandwich?
Happy Thursday to everyone and fist bumps!
The BPI Campus Progressive agenda:
matter more than profits gotta eat.
2. The earth is our home, not our trash can.
3. We need good government for both #1 and #2.
(Editor’s Note: The BPI Squirrel and REDACTED may or may not have helped with this post)
Return to HEMMED In three days a week on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for more output from BPI’s state-of-the-art HEMMED (High-Energy Meta Mojo Elucidation Detector) machine.
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