Red squirrels are British in origin, so we know the truth of the British Army maxim that “Every battle is fought at night, in the rain, at the corner of four map sections.” Likewise for toothaches, which always erupt on the weekend, before a holiday, when you have vacation plans. (More)

These are corollaries of Murphy’s Law, which I feel compelled to note was not written by that Murphy. It was written Murphy McFluffie, who in his own words is “not really a pessimist.” Indeed, as is so often the case when squirrels try to communicate wisdom to humans, Murphy was misunderstood. The truth is that Murphy was having a quiet day in his tree, contemplating why British generals always march to the corner of a map on a rainy evening before engaging the enemy, when this happened:

After extracting himself from the hedge, he promptly wrote his now famous law. It really wasn’t about British battles, maps, rain, or night. It wasn’t about Frisbees that inevitably land either on roofs or directly beneath the centers of cars. And it wasn’t about spaghetti sauce and white shirts, dropped toast with jelly, or the sensor in a copy machine that detects when you’re already late and triggers a mechanical failure. Please don’t blame Murphy for any of those. He had nothing to do with any of them, except for the copy machine sensor, and he had only a minor consulting role in that project.

He was referring only to that hedge beneath that telephone line. Fortunately he was unharmed, having landed on a spaghetti-stained white shirt that someone had tossed aside. Murphy even got a meal out of it, though the toast was cold and the jelly wasn’t his favorite.

Regardless, the inability of humans to transcribe even the simplest squirrel wisdom is clear in the title to that video. Murphy did not fall out of a tree. He fell off a telephone line. Into a hedge.

Fortunately, he didn’t end up with a toothache. We know because this event did not happen on a weekend, before a holiday, and when Murphy had vacation plans. By law, that is when toothaches must strike. But that’s not Murphy’s Law. That is an entirely different law, written by Murphy McGillicuttie, after this incident:

Clearly this this Murphy’s Law bears no relation to the other. This Murphy didn’t really even fall. But he did nick a tooth on that metal bird feeder, and it was a weekend, and it was before a holiday, and he did have vacation plans.

He was planning to visit McFluffie.

And he did.

After he saw the dentist. At night. In the rain. At the corner of four map sections.