Professor Plum was out of sorts after learning his paper proving the existence of paper was rejected by yet another journal.

“Poor dear,” Chef said.

“Please don’t say that,” he said. “I don’t want to go to prison. Or get eaten.”

He must have found the mail, or the breakfast menu. (More)

After Professor Plum left to join the rest of the resident faculty in the wine cellar library to spend the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”), the BPI Squirrel insisted that Professor Plum could not have found the mail. Be did admit that the baby may have played with it. That would explain the stains, nibbled edges, and _____ words. The Professor of Astrology Janitor took time away from the staff poker game, trying to clean the mail in BPI’s not-so-state-of-the-art High Apathy Washers En Dryers (HAWED) lab. That didn’t work out. Although the Squirrel had already scanned the mail onto his Blewberry, the Professor of Astrology Janitor was apologized and began that plaintive mewling, which sent Chef to the kitchen to make what the Germans call Arme Ritter (poor knights) or what we call French toast. That left your lowly mail room _____ time to review this _____ correspondence….


Dear Ms. Crissie,

You liberals overreact to everything. I never said we should put all the unemployed in prison. I simply said we should cut social welfare programs, letting the unemployed live in prison on a voluntary basis, so they could do state-sponsored jobs. That would save the state money on employees, and those people  could also learn personal hygiene, which they don’t learn in the cities.

Carl in NY

Dear Carl,

We can only conclude that you missed the Biblical admonitions against muzzling the ox that treads out the grain, or withholding wages from those who work. By “letting” the unemployed live in prison and do state jobs, you muzzle the ox and withhold fair wages. As for “voluntary,” we suggest that you propose to eliminate the alternatives. You use the word “voluntary,” but it doesn’t mean what you think it means.


Dear Ms. Crissie,

Look, my party is all about fiscal discipline. We can’t have deficit spending. That’s why I propose tax increases. Taxing wealthy people is socialism, but we should consider a two percent sales tax on food. What’s wrong with that?

Pete in NV

Dear Pete,

Again we can only conclude you have a different version of the Bible. Our version says “I was hungry and you gave me food,” not “I was hungry so you taxed my food to avoid raising taxes on the rich.” Sales taxes fall most heavily on those who can least afford them, and that’s why most states exempt food from sales tax. But why should archaic rules about caring for strangers in the desert apply in Nevada?


Dear Ms. Crissie,

Why all the Bible quotes? Look, I’m all about America turning back to God. In fact, and I’m sniffling as I write this, I talked about that very idea yesterday when I reclaimed our honor by taking back the civil rights movement. We do need to turn back to God, but I’m not a big fan of social justice.

Glenn two steps down from MLK

Dear Glenn,

We offered the Bible quotes because, while you are not a big fan of social justice, the God you say America should turn back to … is. We suggest your two steps down has more than a bit of measurement error.


Dear Ms. Crissie,

Oh, I love French toast, but I didn’t know Germans called it “poor knights.” Do you have any idea why? And does Chef do anything special to make her French toast get nice and crispy golden brown?

Didn’t Eat All Knight in Blogistan

Dear Didn’t Eat All Knight,

French toast is a recipe that dates at least back to Roman times, as a way to make stale bread edible. We’re told the German name derives poor soldiers using the recipe to extend their rations. To make her French toast crispy golden brown, Chef uses a very thin sheen of melted butter on the skillet and also whisks a bit of brown sugar into the egg and milk mixture. She also adds a dash of cinnamon. Bon appétit!



Carl in NY; muzzling the ox; withholding wages.

Pete in NV; hungry and you fed me.

Glenn two steps down; turning back to God; not a big fan of social justice.


Happy Sunday!