Ford Motor Company sold its first car today (1904). Also, Telstar relayed the first live, trans-Atlantic broadcast (1962), and Vanessa Williams became the first Miss America to resign (1984). And Comet Hale-Bopp was discovered (1995), sparking rumors of alien invasion.

Your Kossascopes are below.

Greetings and social banter here.

The Janitor Professor of Astrology looked at the stars and found no comets or evidence of alien invasion:

Leo – Welcome to the top of the list. At least until the Zeta Reticulans arrive.

Virgo – Aliens did not misalphabetize your DVD rack. They use a different alphabet.

Libra – This will be a Weekend of the First Kind. Yes, that’s the boring one.

Scorpio – Relax, that’s not a crop circle on the blanket. The cat curled up.

Sagittarius – No, Sirius radio isn’t broadcast from Sirius. Except for Howard Stern.

Capricorn – Those little green men are your kids’ toy soldiers. Wait, one moved.

Aquarius – That glowing orb in the sky is not a UFO. It’s called the sun.

Pisces – Your lawn is not an alien landing site. Those are the neighbor’s kids.

Aries – Those Men in Black just wanted directions to the Blues Brothers reunion.

Taurus – There’s no evidence the FBI keep their notes on you in an X-file.

Gemini – Interstellar Aliens did not steal your socks. Dryer Gnomes did.

Cancer – Don’t use that giant beam from space to cook hot dogs. They prefer burgers.

Good morning! ::hugggggs::