It was love at first sight. Just five days after Valentine’s Day, romance still hung heavy in the air. Mmm-mmm, she couldn’t look finer if it was closing time and the brew’d been flowing liberally. My neighbor was instantly smitten. Oddly, his wife seemed equally enamored.
Just two years ago, the May-December couple had the village buzzing: they had lots of new friends, threw fabulous parties, were hailed as celebrities, and traveled in grand fashion … party buses, private jets and, well, uh, other things. Yup, they were the toast of the town and the glitterati adored them. Not everyone was won over, though.
Some of us were wary and tried to voice our concerns about our friends’ new-found heartthrob. I mean, as outsiders, we could tell she was selfish and incredibly high maintenance, a gold-digger, in fact. She seemed spiritually ugly and plain mean-spirited.
Things started heading south in the relationship and we outsiders could see the lovers unraveling as the romance began to fade. Next door something didn’t seem quite right, but who was I to butt in? Girlfriend started stepping out on her lover, seen around town on the arms of others and who wants to be that messenger?
Then just the other day, my neighbor caught me during one of my rare (given the recent 100-degree-plus temps) outdoor appearances. He practically ran over to my yard to fill me in on his big news.
“The Tea Party sucks,” he announced angrily. Wow, the love was gone.
Genuinely shocked, I asked, “What happened, man?”
He began a rant I can call nothing but righteous. He told me a tale of a family used and abused by a disingenuous paramour. She attacked their retirement security, their kids’ jobs and futures. Her numerous affairs with those wizards of Wall Street had stripped the value from their homes, their investments. She attacked the benefits they’d just begun to rely on and even threatened the ones earned through military service.
Furious, he told a tale of infidelities with a string of “other men” – Rick Perry, those adorable Koch brothers and untold rich and powerful Texan politicians.
“It’s been a train wreck,” he added, “and I can’t take it any more. People don’t have jobs and the rich keep getting richer. I can’t even watch the news any more.”
Oh my lord, I realized, he’s finally found out about her flirtations with those handsome FOX News guys! All I could say to him was, “Hey man, what took you so long?”