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Midday Matinee – Tuesday’s Tale: The Halftime Speech

January 8, 2013

Midday Matinee

Midday Matinee – Tuesday’s Tale: The Halftime Speech

“It’s gut check time,” Bart Bull said. “Time to separate the men from the boys. It comes down to who wants it more and who’s willing to give a hundred and ten percent.” (More)

Midday Matinee is our people watching, people doing and people being feature. Join the Woodland Creatures for an afternoon break.

Welcome back to Tuesday’s Tale, a weekly feature where we collaborate to write a story. Previous Tuesday’s Tales include Some Assembly Required and I Resolve…. We follow the basic rules of the “Yes, And” improvisational game – accept everything written so far as part of the story, and add your own paragraph (or so) where the last addition left off – except you needn’t begin your addition with “Yes, and.” I’ll start the story….


“Welcome back. I’m Will Wurdie here with Rock Peters and we’ll have the halftime statistics for you in just a moment. But first, Rock, what do you think Coach Bull is telling his players after that horrible first-half performance?”

“It’s hard to say, Will,” Rock said, and then said some more. “Obviously they have to find a way to control Hipputski on the inside rush to give Harthrob a chance. And Harthrob has to get the ball to Slawth in the open field. The bottom line is they have to score some touchdowns.”

“How are they going to do that, Rock?” Will asked.


“We gotta get the ball in the end zone!” Bull said. “You gotta get out there and fight for every yard! You gotta fight for every inch! You guys gotta be hungry! You gotta be hungry enough to eat your own helmets! You gotta be hungry enough to eat your own jock straps! I want to see commitment!”

Harthrob leaned over to Slawth. “Someone needs to be committed.”


Have fun!

  • NCrissieB

    “So how do the halftime stats look, Rock?”

    “Well, Will, the Claws are getting hammered. They had only six second downs in the first half.”

    “You mean first downs, ” Will said.

    “Hell, Will, ” Rock replied, “you get a first down when the other team kicks off to you after they score. To win, you have to keep the ball, and that means second downs.”

    “That may be the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard you say, Rock.”

    “It’s only halftime, Will.”

  • winterbanyan

    Back in the locker room the coach was now chewing on Harthrob’s old jockstrap to make his point.

    Slawth watched this display and called out, “So, coach, do you eat your own cowpies too?”

  • NCrissieB

    “Absolutely,” Bull said. “I need players who’ll chew the paint off the goal posts to get in the end zone.”

    “You know they moved the goal posts back out of the end zone, right coach?” Minee asked.

    “Minee, you’re a placekicker. Your job is to kick places. I’m a head coach. My job is to coach heads.”

    “I hope the backs coach has something to say,” Hartrhrob said to Slawth. “Mine’s been aching since my wife brought home that Karma Sinatra book.”

  • addisnana

    Bull decided a cheer might help the team focus. He started with, “Gimme a W”

    None of the players responded so Bull said, “When I say ‘Gimme a W’ you all shout W. Now, ‘Gimme a W'” and all the players yelled W.

    Coach Bull yelled, “Gimme and I” and there was a halfhearted response.

    The punter yelled out before the coach could get to ‘N’. “Hey coach, this isn’t a spelling bee.”

    The coach turned red in the face and screamed back, “Hell you guys can’t even seem to keep the X’s and O’s of the play diagrams straight. I’d have a better chance takin’ y’all to a spelling bee.”

    A voice from the bathroom yelled out, “Play diagram! I thought those X’s and O’s were hugs and kisses.”

  • NCrissieB

    “So what do you think Coach Bull is drawing on the blackboard, Rock?”

    “Will, well, I’m not sure. The Claws are subordinate on the field. The Claws are dependent on a conjuction of prepositions.”

    “Those aren’t your note cards,” Will said. “Those are your daughter’s English flash cards.”