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Morning Feature – Best Served Cold? (Ask Ms. Crissie)

November 4, 2012

Morning Feature

Morning Feature – Best Served Cold? (Ask Ms. Crissie)

Professor Plum did his Michael Palin impersonation as he pushed a garden roller into the mail room shouting “Revenge!”

Yet again, he read the mail. (More)

The Professor of Astrology Janitor grumbled about having just waxed the floors until he saw that Professor Plum had cleaned the roller and wrapped it with a chamois before pushing it into of New Venerable Hall. Professor Plum then left with Ms. Scarlet to join the resident faculty in the wine cellar library, where they’ll spend the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum.

The Professor of Astrology Janitor then returned to plotting his own revenge and take best advantage of his Ace-high flush. Chef had raised before the flop, and the Professor of Astrology Janitor called with the Ace and Queen of Hearts. Chef checked when the King and Six of Hearts fell on the flop along with the Seven of Clubs. The Professor of Astrology offered a tentative bet, and she replied with a pot-sized raise. After some deliberation, the Professor of Astrology Janitor called. The Ten of Hearts on the turn made his flush, but when Chef checked he simply checked back, to conceal the strength of his hand. The Deuce of Diamonds on the river left him with the best possible hand, and the issue of how much to bet after Chef checked yet again.

If he bet too little, Chef would recognize it as a teaser and fold. She would also fold if he bet too much, unless she had a hand like pocket Kings for three of a kind and thought he was merely bluffing a flush. And if she had the Jack and Ten of Hearts for a King-high flush, she might call any bet he offered. After mulling his options for a few seconds, he bet half the pot, reasoning that 3:1 pot odds would justify a call if Chef estimated better than a 25% chance that she had the best hand.

Instead Chef tapped the table and said “Nice flush” before folding her Kings. The Professor of Astrology Janitor began his plaintive mewling and Chef left for the kitchen to make Chilled Blueberry Soup, leaving your lowly mail room clerk to review the week’s correspondence….

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

Did you see what President Obama said yesterday? He asked his supporters to vote for revenge. For revenge! Vote for revenge? Instead I ask the American people to vote for love of country.

Mitt in La MANHCA

Dear Mitt,

We concede that President Obama did silence a chorus of boos when he mentioned your name in a speech yesterday by saying “No-no-no, don’t boo. Vote! Vote! Voting is the best revenge.”

That said, we do not believe the president’s comment justifies your hand-wringing response. You have spent the last six years either lying to your Republican supporters or lying to the American people, as you spent the last five weeks denying almost every position you took during those six years. Your mendacity reached such heights that the Washington Post said your campaign displayed “a contempt for the electorate.” Even before President Obama took office, as he began discussing plans to rescue the auto industry, you insisted the government should “let Detroit go bankrupt.” Leaders in your party met on the night of President Obama’s inauguration to plan their strategy to sabotage his presidency. That led to a record number of Senate filibusters as “the Grand Old Party” became “the Party of No.” State and local governments, most led by Republicans, fired almost half a million public employees since 2010, greatly slowing the recovery. Last summer, Republicans in Congress forced a first-ever downgrade of our nation’s credit rating, and have since announced they will renege on the spending cuts they voted for to resolve that ugly standoff. Your party waged war on women. You asked states to make immigrants so miserable that they would self-deport. Your “47 percent” remarks sneeringly dismissed hardworking American families.

Your campaign’s response to Gov. Chris Christie (R-NJ) after his praise for President Obama’s response to super storm Sandy was “It won’t be forgotten.” Perhaps you thought revenge was reserved solely for you.

On Tuesday, we are confident, voters will hold you and your party accountable for the contempt you have shown and the damage you have wrought. President Obama was correct. Voting is the best revenge.

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

Would Chef’s Chilled Blueberry Soup be a good recipe to prepare before going to vote on Tuesday? How do I make it?

Chillingly Hungry in Blogistan

Dear Chillingly Hungry,

To make Chef’s Chilled Blueberry Soup, first heat 2 cups of blueberries, 1½ cups of water, ½ cup of sugar, and 3 Tablespoons of orange juice in a medium saucepan until boiling, then immediately reduce the heat to a low simmer for 20 minutes, stirring occasionally. Allow the mixture to cool, then pour into a blender and pulse until smooth. Add 2 cups of buttermilk and pulse until blended, then refrigerate overnight. Chef serves the soup in a champagne coupe. She garnishes each glass of soup with 3 half-teaspoon droplets of plain yogurt, using a toothpick to draw the yogurt into a heart shape …

… because voting to hold Mitt in La MANHCA and his party responsible for their lies and other misdeeds is how we express our “love of country.”

Bon appétit!

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Sources:

Mitt in La MANHCA; contempt for the electorate; let Detroit go bankrupt; sabotage his presidency; record number of Senate filibusters; fired almost half a million public employees since 2010; first-ever downgrade of credit rating; renege on spending cuts they voted for; war on women; make immigrants so miserable they would self-deport; 47 percent; it won’t be forgotten.

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Happy Sunday!

  • winterbanyan

    Wow, that was some skewering, Ms. Crissie. Your stiletto is sharp this morning – and well-deserved. Mitt is beneath contempt, a servile, whining liar who is deluded enough about his self-importance to think he deserves to be president.

    “It’s our turn” is a remark that has stuck in my craw for months. Along with a lot of others, but that one to me indicates a kind of privilege thinking that sickens me.

    You didn’t even mention the ongoing efforts at voter suppression. I suppose the states hold the bag on that. Mitt must be very disappointed that New Jersey is extending its vote-by-email, usually reserved to our troops and others overseas, to all citizens of the state.

    Voting is indeed our best revenge, and our best choice for the country.

    • NCrissieB

      We find Mitt in La MANHCA’s and Republicans’ hand-wringing over the word “revenge” … pathetic. What they’re really saying is: “Don’t hold us accountable for what we’ve done!”

      Good morning! ::hugggggs::

  • addisnana

    “Me, me, me me, me, me…” It is always about Mitt the selfish twit. The best thing about a Nov. 6th victory for Democrats will be his face not appearing on my TV or computer screens anymore.

    An exception to it always being about Mitt will be the reasons for his loss. Those reasons, in his mind, will not be attributable to him.

    Nice summary of Mitt and the Republicans!

    • NCrissieB

      We agree, and we hope next Sunday we get letters from … anyone else.

      Good morning! ::hugggggs::