“It’s nice,” Professor Plum said, sipping a glass of juice. “But I expected more. Or less.”

He read the mail. (More)

We said Chef would have breakfast ready later, and Professor Plum and Ms. Scarlet left to join the resident faculty in the wine cellar library, to spend the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”). The Professor of Astrology Janitor returned to pondering whether Chef had more or less than his three Eights. She raised before the flop, and bet again after a King, Eight, and Six came. He called each time, and was convinced she held an Ace-King when she checked after a Queen came on the turn. He bet with his Nines, and Chef called.

Chef bet the pot when a Five came on the river, prompting the Professor of Astrology Janitor’s confusion. There were no flush possibilities, and only the unlikely Nine-Seven for a straight. She might have begun with a pair of Kings, but she hadn’t played the hand as if she held three Kings. She might also have begun with a pair of Fives and made three-of-a-kind at the river. She might have begun with a King-Queen and made two pair. Or she might have been trying to buy the pot with only an Ace-King and a single pair. Of those, only the three Kings was better than his three Eights. The Professor of Astrology Janitor called and Chef turned over a pair of Queens. He began his plaintive mewling, and she left for the kitchen to make Perfect Scrambled Eggs, leaving your lowly mail room clerk to review the week’s correspondence….

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

The most newsworthy item about President Obama’s campaign kickoff speech in Ohio yesterday was not the talking points Obama delivered: it was the crowd… or lack thereof. According to ABC News, the Obama campaign had expected an “overflow” of people. Instead, the arena looked half-empty. It’s a campaign faux pas to hold an event in a room that isn’t full; to promise the media a more-than-capacity crowd then fall this far short of that promise is utter incompetence. In 2008, Obama ran a near-flawless campaign, buoyed by enthusiasm and effective organizing. But it’s not 2008 any more, and on day one of the 2012 campaign, Team Obama has already made an embarrassing blunder.

Alex in MA

Dear Alex,

We agree that campaigns prefer full venues, and thus wonder why Mitt Romney chose to hold an event at an almost empty Ford Field in Detroit during the February Michigan primary. We also note that, in 2008, President Obama had been campaigning full time for over a year, as Romney has been in 2012. Yet the president still spoke to 14,000 in Ohio, and a full house of 8,000 later that same day in Virginia. We also note that both crowds were larger, more active, and more diverse than any Romney has drawn so far. We suggest this was only an “embarrassing blunder” if one sets the bar impossibly high … for the opposing candidate.

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

The bar should be high. He’s the president, after all. Look at last month’s job numbers. Only 115,000 new jobs. We should be seeing numbers in the 500,000 jobs created per month. This is way, way, way off from what should happen in a normal recovery. And as for unemployment, anything over 8 percent, anything near 8 percent, anything over 4 percent, is not a cause for celebration.

Mitt in La MANHCA

Dear Mitt,

We congratulate you for offering specific numbers to describe your idea of economic recovery. Alas, we note that the U.S. economy has gained 500,000 jobs in one month only five times since 1970: twice under President Carter in 1978, once each under President Reagan in 1983 and President Clinton in 1997, and under President Obama in May 2010. The first four were due to workers returning from strikes, and the last was due to federal census hiring. We also note that since 1970 unemployment has dipped to 4% only once – from December 1999 to December 2000 – and you never achieved that as Governor of Massachusetts. We suggest that the next time you offer specific numbers, you seek a better source than Republistan Polirectal Institute.

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

I didn’t know that other place existed. If their numbers are always that bad, I hope Chef doesn’t get recipes from there. How does she make Perfect Scrambled Eggs?

Perfectly Hungry in Blogistan

Dear Perfectly Hungry,

Chef once looked at a recipe from that other place, but decided it wasn’t worth the effort to count and crack 500,000 quail eggs. To make her Perfect Scrambled Eggs, she cracks 8 eggs into a bowl with 2 heaping Tbsp of sour cream, 1 Tbsp of water, seasoned with salt and pepper to taste. She beats that mixture with a wire wisk until fluffy, then cooks the eggs in a buttered skillet over low heat, stirring occasionally. As the eggs near the desired consistency, she stirs in ½ cup of grated cheddar cheese. She serves Perfect Scrambled Eggs with breakfast sausage and toast. Bon appétit!

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Sources:

Alex in MA; Romney at almost empty Ford Field; Obama crowds larger, more active, and more diverse.

Mitt in La MANHCA; economy has gained 500,000 jobs in one month only five times since 1970; workers returning from strikes; unemployment dipped to 4% only once.

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Happy Sunday!