The Faculty Senate were sure the Squirrel would like his new iPawed. It has all of the features of his Blewberry, plus stereo ear buds. (More)
Alas, the Squirrel was not impressed. “Haven’t you noticed these ear tufts?” he asked grumpily. “How am I supposed to use ear buds? Who’s going to brush out my tufts afterward?”
The Faculty Senate were nonplussed. That’s not an entirely new phenomenon for them, as they don’t have a ‘Like’ button. But they’d tried to do something nice and it backfired. Admittedly, the Squirrel had missed lunch and we all know how he gets when he’s hungry. Maybe he’ll like the iPawed better after a few macadamias. A full stomach couldn’t hurt, right?
Drop some mayo on that link for more “War For The White House Videos” from The Onion.
Fortunately, the Squirrel is a very neat eater so that shouldn’t be an issue. On the other hand, he wasn’t thrilled to when the Faculty Senate told him the iPawed has a built-in spell checker. “Has my spelling been a problem?” he asked. “Don’t I always write clear, grammatically correct prose?”
Maybe that was their concern….
Obama’s Use of Complete Sentences Stirs Controversy – by Andy Borowitz (The Borowitz Report)
Could Imperil Reelection Hopes, Experts Say
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – In the first term in office, President Barack Obama has broken with a tradition established over the previous eight years through his controversial use of complete sentences, political observers say.
New polls indicate that millions of Americans are put off by the President’s unorthodox verbal tic, which has Mr. Obama employing grammatically correct sentences virtually every time he opens his mouth.
Slap a bumper sticker on that link for more.
To make up for their faux paws, the Faculty Senate even offered to spring for an overseas reporting assignment. “You’ve been working hard on your thesis,” they told the Squirrel. “Take some time away and have a little fun.”
That didn’t go over well either….
Hookers Downgrade US Credit Rating – by Andy Borowitz (The Borowitz Report)
Shortchanging by Secret Service Draws Strong Rebuke
NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) – Days after Secret Service agents shortchanged a group of prostitutes in Colombia, the international trade group representing hookers downgraded the United States’ credit rating from AAA to B.
The strong rebuke from the International Alliance of Professional Escorts came after a Secret Service agent reportedly paid one of its members $30 for an $800 service, or only 4% of the stated price.
Escort your mouse to that link for more.
“But you could visit your family roots in England,” the Faculty Senate said. “Maybe report on the president visiting the Olympics.”
The Squirrel knew what story they really wanted….
William and Kate: One Year On… – by almostnews (The Daily Satire)
Can it only be twelve months since we sat in our front rooms, drinking beer and scratching ourselves in our underpants whilst watching William and “Her Royal Highness To Be” Waity Kate Middleton walking down the aisle?
In such a short space of time we’ve not only taken them to our hearts and minds but followed their every move like some sort of pervy stalker with a bizarre penchant for balding men and gazelles in sling-back shoes.
Have the paparazzi click that link for more.
“The iPawed even has a built-in translator function,” the Faculty Senate explained patiently.
What did they think would happen?
Cocky Attempt to Operate ATM in Spanish Backfires – by Doyle Redland (Onion Radio News)
Haga clic en el enlace para más Onion Radio News.
The Squirrel finally got lunch, and he did apologize for his outburst. But he’s keeping his Blewberry. Maybe Pootie the Precious will want an iPawed.