“I feel wooly-headed,” Professor Plum announced with a yawn.

“He’s being ba-a-a-a-ad,” Ms. Scarlet said.

They both read the mail. (More)

“No more puns for ewe,” Professor Plum added as he and Ms. Scarlet left to join the resident faculty in the wine cellar library and drink think on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”). The Professor of Astrology Janitor returned his attention to the staff poker game, where his flock of chips was dwindling. Chef had called his opening bet on his Ace and Ten of Hearts, and his bet after the Ace of Diamonds and Queen and Six of Clubs came on the flop. He bet again when the Ten of Clubs on the turn gave him two pair, but Chef raised. With so few chips left, he decided to call and get it over with. When she turned over the Ace and Six of Spades, his spirits rose. Then came the Queen of Hearts, giving each of them Aces and Queens with a Ten kicker, and a split pot. The Professor of Astrology Janitor began his plaintive mewling, and Chef went to the kitchen to make a Sheephearder’s Breakfast, leaving your lowly mail room clerk to review the week’s correspondence….


Dear Ms. Crissie,

Many commentators have expressed outrage over the president criticizing Paul Ryan and demagoguing the Supreme Court. Personally, I can’t muster outrage. I think it’s just a sorry spectacle. Somewhere along the line, Obama decided that his best path to reelection was through bare-knuckled partisan brawling. The country needs a bad guy to blame for its problems, so day in and day out Obama is providing them with a smorgasbord of villains from which to choose: Wall Street, Big Oil, the Tea Party, Paul Ryan, Rush Limbaugh, the Supreme Court, the Catholic Church, and so on. In fact, virtually everything that comes out of this president’s mouth is about redirecting blame onto some straw man. This strategy might get him reelected, but for what greater purpose? Barack Obama intends to break the country into fragments by shamelessly playing one group off another, in the hope that by November his share of the pieces will be just a touch larger than the opposition’s. But how can he possibly put those pieces back together again, should he be victorious?

Jay in PA

Dear Jay,

We share your frustration with “bare-knuckled partisan brawling.” Indeed we wish Republican mouthpiece Rush Limbaugh had not said “I hope he fails,” or that Rep. Joe Miller had not yelled “You lie!” during the president’s first speech to Congress, or that Sen. Jim DeMint had not announced that Republicans would make health care reform the president’s “Waterloo,” or that Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell had not announced that his top priority was to make President Obama “a one-term president.” Alas, Republicans made “bare-knuckled partisan brawling” their strategy throughout President Obama’s first term. In 2010 you argued that he was “a polarizing leader in a polarized age,” that there was no possible bridge between the two parties, and that President Obama should “own it” and admit that he believes the progressive vision will be vindicated in the end. Now he has. We suggest you and other Republicans should “own” the fight you picked, and accept that President Obama and Democrats will fight back.


Dear Ms. Crissie,

You missed his point. The apparent tension between President Obama’s unifying rhetoric and divisive tactics is resolved by what appears to be a timeless bit of Ruling Class wisdom: people are sheep. The entire Progressive Project is rooted in this assertion. #OccupyResoluteDesk is just the culmination of a century-long bladder load down the back, while claiming precipitation. The difference between the Left and Right is that the Left grasps the fundamentally emotional nature of the national discussion. I don’t think Barack Obama, the flock-head of the Left, is capable of evolving his weltanshauung to encompass the idea that the American people are rational. And so he’s going to ride the sheeply theory into his political grave.

Smitty in VA

Dear Smitty,

We wish the right would settle on a story. During the 2008 campaign, critics said Sen. Obama was “more head than heart, more intellectual than passionate, less a leader than a lecturer.” After his speech on the Gulf oil spill, another critic said the president should be “less professorial, less academic and more ordinary” and that he appeared “aloof and out of touch.” Back in January, Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney also criticized the president as being too much “like his colleagues in the faculty lounge.” Now you say President Obama’s worldview excludes the possibility that the American people are rational. Once critics decide whether the president is too intellectual or too emotional, we shall decide which criticism to disprove.


Dear Ms. Crissie,

I made it through that by shear determination, but now the sheep’s gonna hit the fan. Before I climb a lamb post, how do I make Chef’s Sheephearder’s Breakfast?

Punnily Hungry in Blogistan

Dear Punnily Hungry,

Fort-ewe-nately, this is a very easy recipe. Cook 1 pound of bacon and 1 chopped medium onion in a large skillet until the bacon is crisp. Next drain most of the bacon drippings, then add 2 pounds of thawed shredded has browns and mix well. Cook over medium heat for 10 minutes, and turn when the bottom is browned. Make 10 evenly-spaced wells in the hash browns and crack 1 egg into each, then sprinkle with salt, pepper, and shredded cheddar cheese. Finally, coover and cook for 10 minutes, until the eggs are set. Bon appétit!



Jay in PA; I hope he fails; You lie; Waterloo; one-term president; a polarizing leader.

Smitty in VA; more head than heart; aloof and out of touch; like his colleagues in the faculty lounge.


Happy Easter!