Everyone knows bunnies lay eggs only one day a year. But did you know four out of five bunnies surveyed don’t chew gum? (More)
The other bunny refused to answer the gum question, and called the interviewer “Big Red.” The BPI Squirrel was offended, as he’s not that big. But one of the Squirrel’s Canadian friends was not surprised by the humorous response, tweeting that bunnies call their ears “antlers” because it makes them feel tougher. The Banff Squirrel added that “Easter eggs make for a really, REALLY good omelette,” and “I have sat on eggs for a week now. Not one became chocolate, but now I have several confused chickadees….”
But is not famous for being the one day a year that squirrels make jokes about bunnies. In fact, squirrels make such jokes often, but usually share them on Chitter. No, today is famous for tales of egg-laying bunnies and other equally likely news items. For example….
Busy Romney Sorry He Missed Nation’s Piano Recital – (The Onion)
WASHINGTON—Speaking at a press conference on behalf of presidential candidate Mitt Romney, campaign spokeswoman Andrea Saul told the American public how deeply sorry the GOP frontrunner was to have missed the nation’s piano recital Saturday. “Mr. Romney knows how important it was to you, and he wanted to be there, he really did, but sometimes people running for office are very busy and have to spend the whole weekend at rallies in Wisconsin,” said Saul, adding that the former Massachusetts governor understood how disappointing it must have been for the nation to look up and see that empty chair in the front row.
Click that link on the car roof for more.
Fortunately, the disappointed recitalists can hope for better health care soon….
In Controversial Decision, Supreme Court Replaces Annual Physicals with Strip Searches – by Andy Borowitz (The Borowitz Report)
Major Expansion of Police Officers’ Role
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – In a stunning decision on the future of healthcare in America, the Supreme Court decided today that annual physicals were unconstitutional and should be replaced by random strip searches conducted by the nation’s police.
The decision, which appeared to expand the role of the police to include such duties as performing breast and prostate exams, took many in both the healthcare and law enforcement communities by surprise.
Pat down that link for more.
Not all of the egg-laying-bunny-equivalent news happens in the U.S….
Sky News Hired Teams of Hitmen in ‘Murder Spree’ Scandal – by The Daily Shadow (The Daily Satire)
News broke earlier today that another Murdoch news business – Sky News – engaged in illegal hacking. But now these revelations will be eclipsed by the shocking story of how Sky News executives hired teams of hit men to hunt down and murder paedophiles, Islamists, and George Galloway.
An insider source who wished to remain anonymous told The Daily Satire:
“It all started with hacking the emails of that conoe man’s wife. Yes it was illegal, but when we told the police that we had broken the law they agreed with us that it was ‘in the public interest’ and ‘editorially justifiable’. Not long after that a news story broke about some Latino television news anchorman hiring hitmen to kill people so that he could be first to the scene and cover the story. That gave us an idea. If we were able to break the law anytime we liked as long as it was ‘in the public interest’ and ‘editorially justifable’ then we would certainly be able to kill a few paedophiles. That is definitely in the public interest, and people love to hear good news stories about paedo’s getting horrifically tortured and mutilated.”
Have your reporters click that link for more.
But American Exceptionalism demands a firm response….
Palmolive Attacks Dawn For Coddling Grease – by Doyle Redland (The Onion)
Put a clean sponge on that link for more Onion Radio News.
The Easter Groundhog can clearly see his shadow, so that means at least three more weeks of jelly beans! Well, that and having plenty of leftovers….