“April is no fool,” her close friend May said. “She’s really tired of this. She doesn’t have to turn on those showers, you know.” (More)
We had no idea April took this personally, or we would never have written an April Fool’s edition of Ask Ms. Crissie. But a month without showers would indeed be a serious threat. Can you imagine the smell in Congress?
Okay, that was a bad example.
Can you imagine the smell in a kindergarten classroom?
No, that was not the same example!
Without further preamble, We the Staff, reading the form of more sites like The Onion, do hereby establish Silly Sunday: Don’t Fool With April!
April Fools’ Day 2012: The Best Stories from Around the Web – by Hunter Skipworth & Stuart Miles (Pocket-lint)
Google Maps 8-Bit edition
Blow hard on that link for more….
There were other breaking April Fool’s stories:
Republicans Reveal that Entire Presidential Race was a Prank – by Andy Borowitz (The Borowitz Report)
April Fool’s Day Announcement Brings Practical Joke to an End
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – In an April Fool’s Day announcement that took the political world by storm, the Republican Party revealed today that its entire presidential race had been an elaborate prank.
“April Fool!” exclaimed former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney and former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum at a press conference in Washington, where they were joined by fellow merrymakers Newt Gingrich, Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry and Herman Cain.
Moments after revealing that the GOP primary had been one long practical joke, Mr. Santorum explained the rationale behind staging such a complicated and expensive prank.
“A lot of Americans are suffering right now and need a good laugh,” he said. “I think my colleagues and I can be justifiably proud of the entertainment we provided – even if it meant me wearing these ridiculous sweater vests.”
Sigh happily on that link for more….
American workers are not alone in suffering, as military leaders testified before Congress:
ARLINGTON, VA—Reportedly fed up with complicated and protracted operations overseas, top Pentagon officials acknowledged this week they were desperate to be given just one straightforward, no-nonsense military engagement they could really knock out of the park.
Admitting they “can’t even look at a map of the Middle East anymore,” members of the Joint Chiefs also said they were still skittish about Southeast Asia and would prefer to “stay as far away as possible” from any situation in which the term “insurgency” might apply.
Additionally, the nation’s top generals stressed it was vitally important that any new conflict have a clear standard by which to measure victory, front lines “that are actually lines,” and conditions under which dropping bombs actually weakens the enemy instead of rallying more people to its cause and making it stronger.
Launch a strike on that link for more….
And there was economic news from Europe:
Greece Buys Mega Millions Ticket – by Andy Borowitz (The Borowitz Report)
Prime Minister Travels to Convenience Store in Indiana
ZIONSVILLE, INDIANA (The Borowitz Report) – In a move that raised many eyebrows among financial ministers across the Eurozone, the nation of Greece today purchased a Mega Millions lottery ticket in the hopes of winning a jackpot topping $540 million.
Prime Minister Lucas Papademos made the extraordinary purchase himself, traveling to a convenience story in Zionsville, Indiana where he briefly chatted with the Hoosier Lottery’s Mega Millions mascot.
While the odds of winning the jackpot currently stand at 1 in 176 million, experts say that the odds of Greece solving its financial problems on its own are approximately 1 in 975 zillion.
Press your losing ticket on that link for more….
And today is Palm Sunday, the start of Holy Week. Time to catch up….
Procrastinating Catholic 20 Rosaries Behind – by Doyle Redland (The Onion)
Rub your ash on that link for more Onion Radio News….
And lest you despair over the Supreme Court’s oral arguments of the Affordable Care Act last week, there was some good news on that front:
An Argument Against Healthcare – by Andy Borowitz (The Borowitz Report)
From the National Alliance of Funeral Directors
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – The following message was released today by the National Alliance of Funeral Directors:
This week, several Republican Supreme Court Justices have argued that the Affordable Care Act supported by the Obama Administration is unconstitutional. At the National Alliance of Funeral Directors, we couldn’t agree more.
It was Revolutionary War hero Patrick Henry who said, in 1775, “Give me liberty or give me death.” From that moment on, legal scholars have agreed that the Constitution guarantees every American the liberty to be dead. Here at the Alliance, we will fight for your right to be dead to the death.
Keel over on that link for more.
Well, the leaves are blowing outside. That must be April laughing. At least we hope so….