If you think today’s politics are crazy, just wait until Prism Syndicate mercenaries launch the Mineral Water Wars…. (More)
Oh sure, right now you enjoy your bottled water. Or if you’re environmentally sensitive, you fill a glass or mug with water from your purified tap. Then you drink – gluck gluck gluck gluck gluck urrrp – and you go back to whatever you were doing. You probably don’t even notice Them. No, don’t look now. They know you’re reading this, so They expect you to look for Them. Wait a few minutes and then look. And if you don’t see Them, you’ll know Their cloaking device works.
In the meantime, enjoy Silly Sunday!
BELLEVUE, NE – Shortly after 8 a.m. Tuesday, Landon Matthew Crowley, a 7-pound, 14-ounce baby boy and the future warlord who will rule over the charred remnants of what was once the state of Nebraska, was welcomed into the world at Omaha’s Methodist Hospital, sources reported.
Born to Jack and Monica Crowley of Bellevue, NE, the child is reported to be healthy and happy and unaware that he’ll one day violently subdue dozens of warring, radiation-scarred factions under a brutal regime of torture and forced fealty the likes of which the Gamma Quadrant wasteland has never seen.
According to Mr. Crowley, both mother and future mass-murdering tyrant are now resting at home and “doing great.”
“I can’t believe he’s finally here, my beautiful baby boy,” said the boy’s elated mother who, in 12 years’ time, will be ruthlessly gunned down before her son’s eyes by Prism Syndicate mech-infantry fighting in the gruesome Mineral Wars that will leave the former United States utterly demolished. “I’m so happy.”
Click the link for more before They strike….
Of course, it’s always possible I’ve just watched too much TV lately.
The Vile Underbelly for $99.99 a Month – by Wendy Parker (The Daily Satire)
In the recent forced conversion from trusty (and free) rabbit ears to pay cable and digital programming, an entire world of extremely specific and possibly litigious television channels have become available for my viewing pleasure. I have discovered television channels about television channels. There are entire networks dedicated to the extremely important issues of undiagnosed medical conditions caused by the ingestion of phlegm and the heartbreak of head lice among baby warthogs. There are endless streams of commercials about drugs and their disabling side effects, and not one part of the human anatomy is left private or sacred.
I became trapped in a never-ending vortex of food-you-wouldn’t-even-try-to-cook-but-like-to-watch-other-people-cook and the benefits of colon cleansing being broadcast on the same channel, back to back, hour after hour. I have it on good authority that it’s in violation of the Geneva Convention to carry out such torture, and of course, the matter is being looked into as we speak.
Use your TV remote to click the link for more….
I suppose I could watch news, but that’s not much better.
Fact That No One Likes Him May Be Hurting Romney – by Andy Borowitz (The Borowitz Report)
Exit polls taken last night bear out that theory, with a majority of voters agreeing with the statement, “I think Mitt Romney is so odious, I would rather vote for a random doofus I’ve never heard of who goes around in sweater vests.”
The beneficiary of that sentiment last night was former Sen. Rick Santorum, who told supporters at a victory rally in Missouri, “I support the rights of the unborn child until it’s born and wants a gay marriage.”
Speaking to supporters in Denver, Mr. Romney uttered what some political experts are calling a possible gaffe: “I don’t care about all the people who didn’t vote for me. They just envy my massive wealth. And poor people? They can curl up and die, and I won’t lose a wink of sleep. I bet you a million crisp dollars from my vault in Geneva.”
I bet a mouse click you’ll want to read more….
Maybe you remember when not all Republicans were like this. So do They.
WASHINGTON—Saying the now critically endangered species of politician is at high risk for complete extinction within the next 10 years, Beltway-area conservationists announced plans Monday for a new captive breeding program designed to save moderate Republicans.
According to members of the Initiative to Protect the Political Middle (IPPM), centrist Republicans, who once freely roamed the nation calling for both economic deregulation and a return to Reagan-era tax rates on the wealthy, are in dire need of protection, having lost large portions of their natural terrain to the highly territorial Evangelical and Tea Party breeds.
“Our new program is designed to isolate the few remaining specimens of moderate Republicans, mate them in captivity, and then safely release these rare and precious creatures back into the electorate,” said IPPM’s Cynthia Rollins, who traces the decline of the species to changes in the political climate and rampant, predatory fanaticism. “Within our safe, enclosed habitats, these middle-of-the-road Republican Party members can freely support increased funding for public education and even gay rights without being threatened by the far-right subgenus.”
Ask one of Them to click the link for more …
I need another bottle of mineral water. Now where did I leave that black helicopter?
Tune in next week for Silly Sunday: Lint Begins!