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Furthermore! – Breaking up is (not so) hard to do

September 30, 2011


Furthermore! – Breaking up is (not so) hard to do

It was love at first sight. Just five days after Valentine’s Day, romance still hung heavy in the air. Mmm-mmm, she couldn’t look finer if it was closing time and the brew’d been flowing liberally. My neighbor was instantly smitten. Oddly, his wife seemed equally enamored.

Just two years ago, the MayDecember couple had the village buzzing: they had lots of new friends, threw fabulous parties, were hailed as celebrities, and traveled in grand fashion … party buses, private jets and, well, uh, other things. Yup, they were the toast of the town and the glitterati adored them. Not everyone was won over, though.

Some of us were wary and tried to voice our concerns about our friends’ new-found heartthrob. I mean, as outsiders, we could tell she was selfish and incredibly high maintenance, a gold-digger, in fact. She seemed spiritually ugly and plain mean-spirited.

Things started heading south in the relationship and we outsiders could see the lovers unraveling as the romance began to fade. Next door something didn’t seem quite right, but who was I to butt in? Girlfriend started stepping out on her lover, seen around town on the arms of others and who wants to be that messenger?

Then just the other day, my neighbor caught me during one of my rare (given the recent 100-degree-plus temps) outdoor appearances. He practically ran over to my yard to fill me in on his big news.

“The Tea Party sucks,” he announced angrily. Wow, the love was gone.

Genuinely shocked, I asked, “What happened, man?”

He began a rant I can call nothing but righteous. He told me a tale of a family used and abused by a disingenuous paramour. She attacked their retirement security, their kids’ jobs and futures. Her numerous affairs with those wizards of Wall Street had stripped the value from their homes, their investments. She attacked the benefits they’d just begun to rely on and even threatened the ones earned through military service.

Furious, he told a tale of infidelities with a string of “other men” – Rick Perry, those adorable Koch brothers and untold rich and powerful Texan politicians.

“It’s been a train wreck,” he added, “and I can’t take it any more. People don’t have jobs and the rich keep getting richer. I can’t even watch the news any more.”

Oh my lord, I realized, he’s finally found out about her flirtations with those handsome FOX News guys! All I could say to him was, “Hey man, what took you so long?”

  • winterbanyan

    What a great piece of satire, MKS! I love it! This needs to go viral. Thanks so much.

    • MKSinSA

      Thanks, winterbanyan!

      The truth is that this was inspired by a real situation: my neighbor (with whom I’ve remained quite social during our dark days of Sarah Palin and the Tea Party) really did rush up to me and make some of these observations! I’m sort of a political hybrid but got disgusted enough with the GOP of late that I pretty much dumped the party. They went all in and have come to regret it. Late, early, I don’t care … at least they’ve now showed up!

  • NCrissieB

    Thank you for this clever and hopeful story, MKS. Please pass our condolences to your neighbor. 🙂

    • MKSinSA

      😀 I’ll definitely have to do that.

  • addisnana

    Very, very clever MKS. I can only hope the story is being repeated by neighbors all over the country.

    • MKSinSA

      Thanks, addisnana.

      If polls are to be believed, it’s happening in yards across America as I type. What has happened — and this is important — is they’ve crafted a Congressional caucus out of it. I think we need to look long and hard at that and come up with something similar, perhaps an #OccupyWallStreet caucus, to serve as a counterweight across the aisle. I don’t think the Progressive Caucus is gettin’ it done.

  • Gardener

    Funny! Good job!

    • MKSinSA

      Gracias 😮