Furthermore! – Fred Finds His Moral Heart
At BPI and especially in Morning Feature we often talk of ways to talk with Fred, the apolitical median voter. It is a key strategy for building grassroots support for progressive ideas, policies, and candidates.
I am an introvert and my favorite interactions are one-on-one conversations where I can ask questions and explore what is really important to someone. Most people love to give you their ideas and opinions, so really listening is my gift to them in a world that is often too busy, too loud, and too disinterested. I may ask questions to clarify what the other person cares about, the values at the heart of the matter.
This from NCrissieB’s excellent series on Fred Whispering:
Fred is a “different-information voter” who gets most of his information from talking to friends, co-workers, neighbors, and other people he meets. We progressives must join those discussions, or Fred will get only conservative input. In Morning Feature we call joining those discussions “Fred Whispering,” and it starts with listening so we can better understand Fred’s values: what matters most to him and why. Because as we saw yesterday, facts and logic won’t matter unless they appeal to Fred’s values.
In this story Fred is really Bob, a man with whom I had a series of conversations at the laundromat starting last summer. Back then he was a ruby red conservative, but in a discussion at the laundromat a few days ago, much to my surprise, Bob took over the conversation … as a true blue progressive.
When it rains up in the north woods many of us head into town to the laundromat. It becomes an instant community center filled with rich second home/cabin owners, camp hosts and counselors and camping families. It’s a microcosm of society.
One day last week, it rained off and on all day and the laundromat was a busy place. One woman I recognized from last summer as the one who said basically that health care was only for those who could afford it and let the rest just die. Some of the young camp counselors were present last summer and we tried to talk to her without budging her an inch. The young women were tenacious and blunt, and Right Wing Woman – I’ll call her RWW – spouted one talking point after another.
Last week a young counselor said to RWW, ”I remember you, you wanted to let the uninsured die last summer. What’s your gripe this summer?” While this is not a good Fred Whispering technique, I did smile at the directness of the question.
RWW replied, “For a start, giving more Pell grant money to ungrateful kids like you pisses me off. Why don’t you just work for your tuition?”
Bob looked up from his laptop and said, “Whoa.”
I asked him what he thought of the Pell grants and the stimulus and he replied, “I think it was a good idea and too small. People everywhere need help and if this country doesn’t stand together, we’ll fall apart.”
RWW said, “Bob you used to be a strong Republican, what the hell happened to you?”
Bob replied, “I started talking with [me] last summer and realized that I wasn’t as mean and hateful as the Republicans have become. It’s a question of my values. Sure I’d like a better business climate but not at the expense of letting people die or be made homeless.”
He then rose, came over to me, and put arm around my shoulders. He told RWW, “This fine woman listened to me and helped me find my heart again. She didn’t yell at me, RWW. She wasn’t spouting policy points or putting me down. She cares about people and helped me realize that deep inside I do too. I can’t just vote to protect my money anymore and that’s all you want to do, RWW. It’s damn selfish.”
RWW picked up a magazine and sulked while the rest of the laundry doers jumped into the conversation. The gist of it was that tough times required help and compassion. The people talked about their individual compassionate acts, but noted that some help could only come from the government. Everyone had a story of someone who was hurting. Bob told to get involved. He’s a CEO and knows how to command a room and hit the key points. He pointed out that his business and others are interdependent with the middle class as employees and customers. To devastate the middle class doesn’t serve business at all. To ignore the needs of the elderly, the unemployed and children is to destroy America.
Last summer my 3 or 4 conversations with Bob were one-on-one and pretty deep. In Fred Whispering we must accept planting seeds of thought, and may not know be there when those seeds blossom. I had no idea that Bob had moved so far. By last week, he had begun Fred Whispering. That is a ripple effect we should not ignore.
Fred Whispering links:
Morning Feature: Fred Whispering, Part I – What Did You Hear?
Morning Feature: Fred Whispering, Part II – Listen for Values
Morning Feature: Fred Whispering, Part III – Attitude and Technique
Morning Feature: Fred Whispering, Part IV – Fred Speaks
Morning Feature: What Americans Want, Part III – Sharing with Fred
Please share your Fred Whispering stories below. Asking people to talk about what is really important to them can help clarify values and often recruit more Freds to the progressive cause. And please do whatever you can to GOTV.
That is such an inspiring story, addisnana. To meet up with someone to whom you were Fred Whispering last summer … and find him Fred Whispering this summer … is wonderful. Fred Whispering works, if we do it well. And you do it very well indeed.
Good morning! ::hugggggs::
What a great story, addisnana. Thank you for sharing.
I also smiled at this “While this is not a good Fred Whispering technique, I did smile at the directness of the question.”
Kids have a way of cutting through the BS and getting to the heart of the matter.
I love this story, addisnana. Reminds me of the Republican back after Newt Gingrich’s Contract for America was announced in detail. His response was straight and to the point: “Americans don’t let other Americans starve.”
We may be seeing another such backlash now. Like you, I’m an introvert. But I’m finding it amazingly easy this year, when I hear a Tea Party talking point, to say kindly, “But surely you agree people need, jobs/food/housing?” And from there it gets quite easy to get to the “heart” of the matter. Most people are instinctively kind. They really don’t feel good about the suffering of others. And you can gently nudge them to consider that harsh statements of personal responsibility really don’t fit this time.
My latest triumph was my exterminator who started with “They should just get off their butts and find work.” Once we discussed how every job opening has five applicants and a few other things, he announced, “Nobody can live on a minimum wage job.”
Exactly. Step one, he said it, and now I’m sure he’s thinking about it.
Do you want me to fix that for you, winterbanyan?
Sure. That’s how I always thought of it even though they called it “for”. Ha!
Thanks for the edit and especially for the title, Crissie. I would really have to study up if talking with Fred required detailed policy information. Fortunately being present, listening and caring are enough to make a connection. There is a song, “You’ve gotta have heart” from Damn Yankees that seems to fit here. I’ve been over at U tube trying to find a version that isn’t handheld video. I’ll be back when I find one.
With subtitles!!
(this one ends in mid sentence but the other videos are theatrical releases and, in my opinion, these guys do the best vocals)
Thanks Jan!
(You gotta have heart, you gotta have heart)
You’ve gotta have heart
All you really need is heart
When the odds are sayin’
You’ll never win
That’s when the grin should start
You’ve gotta have hope
Mustn’t sit around and mope
Nothin’s half as bad as it may appear
Wait’ll next year and mope
When your luck is battin’ zero
Get your chin up off the floor
Mister you can be a hero
You can open any door
There’s nothin’ to it, but to do it
You gotta have heart
Miles and miles and miles of heart
Oh, it’s fine to be a genius of course
But keep that old horse before the cart
First you’ve gotta have heart
(You’ve gotta have heart, you’ve gotta have heart)
You’ve gotta have heart
All you really need is heart
(When the odds are sayin you’ll never win)
(That’s when the grin should start)
You’ve gotta have hope
Mustn’t sit around and mope
Nothin’s half as bad as it may appear
Wait’ll next year and hope
When your luck is battin’ zero
Get your chin up off the floor
Mister you can be a hero
You can open any door
There’s nothin’ to it, but to do it
You gotta have heart
(You’ve gotta have heart)
Miles and miles and miles of heart
(Miles and miles and miles of heart)
Oh, it’s fine to be a genius of course
But keep that old horse before the cart
First you’ve gotta have heart
(You’ve gotta have heart)
You’re very welcome, addisnana. It was an easy edit, because it was a very well-written piece. The title leaped out of Fred/Bob’s own words.
And yes, it really is about moral values. It helps to understand the issues, proposed policies, etc., but those only matter once you agree on the basic values we want government to encourage and enact. And once you do, the issues and policies often spill out of simple logic.
There are a handful of exceptions – e.g.: agriculture subsidy rates – but such issues rarely dominate political dialogue. Most Americans (rightly!) expect those bits-and-bolts issues to be sorted by experts in the field.
Good morning! ::hugggggs::
BTW, I deleted your blank comment below.
Thanks.
Great story addis. Another thing that I love is when I meet someone who calls their self a Republican but then tells me that on social policies issues they are liberal. Maybe it’s because I spend all my time on a college campus but I see a lot of these ‘Freds’. The hardest part here is trying to help them realize that government needs and fulfills social policies more often than economic policies, or sometimes those policies go hand in hand.
I’m glad to hear about Bob though and I’m sure if he has one or two conversations one on one with RWW she might end up coming around too.
Thanks HurrikanEagle. Last summer RWW was a yeller of RW health care talking points. She was very loud. In part I think that’s why the counselors were so direct with her. She was so disrespectful to them. If Bob can win her over, good for him. I only see her once or twice a summer and we have reached a state of “Hi, good to see you again” and as long as it stops there we are fine. I am not so naive as to think that I can persuade every one I visit with.
The policies really do go hand-in-hand. As noted in other comments here, and as we’ve discussed in previous Fred Whispering stories and will discuss more in this week’s Morning Feature series, we believe effective Fred Whispering begins with active listening to identify shared values. We then affirm those shared values, show how a Democratic issue or policy expresses those values, and contrast that with the TGOP alternative. Fred Whispering focuses on moral values, not policy wonk details … and Democratic issues and policies do express the moral values shared by most Americans.
Tea Party Republican issues and policies boil down to more wealth and privilege for the wealthy and privileged, and that is not an idea most voters embrace. So the TGOP use the rhetoric of division, relying on race and religion to get voters to hate the Other.
Thank you for the Fred Whispering you do, especially on a college campus. We definitely need young voters to turn out in 2010.
Good afternoon! ::hugggggs::
am surrounded by Freds… well, not exactly surrounded anymore… there are real-life walking-talking liberals where we live now… but the last few places we lived, and at my last job, that ended a month-plus ago, i was surrounded. am also an introvert, although do an okay job of chatting my way through life, and have been Fred-whispering long before it had a name. (and i love the name!!!) grocery stores, post offices, anywhere and everywhere, tapping into the universal emotions/ideals, and supporting them, even if it doesn’t always ‘work,’ makes me feel like i’m helping move the causes along, furthering the flow.
am cranky right now. new job tomorrow. skeered. doubt there will be many Fred’s there, so that’s a bonus.
Woo hoo. kj in the house!!!
Welcome aboard, kj. Glad to see the instructions survived translation. If you have questions, start with the BPI Experience on the left margin in the Welcome New Students link. Lots of tips there.
It sounds as if you could write this week’s series on Fred Whispering, kj! But don’t worry … I won’t dump it on you.
Seriously, Fred Whispering – what marketing folks call “buzz marketing” – is exactly what you do: chatting with people in our neighborhoods, at work, in checkout lines, waiting rooms, and anywhere else the topic comes up. We encourage active listening to identify shared values, because most people do share the basic human values of kindness, caring for each other, etc. Then we affirm those shared values, show how a Democratic issue or policy expresses those shared values, and contrast that with the TGOP alternative. In Fred Whispering we focus on moral values, not policy wonk details.
Congratulations on the new job, and while I understand your anxiety I’m sure you’ll do just fine.
Good afternoon! ::hugggggs::
active listening is exactly what it is. back in the real dark ages i learned it as prep for teaching pre-schoolers. it came in real handy met i met this, uh, opinionated spousal unit that still wanders through the house. it took the two of us longer to get the hang of it than it ever did the pre-schoolers!
am inching my way back into activity… the thought of writing an essay sort of intrigues… but mostly terrifies.
pleased this site exists. very pleased. thank you!
Thanks to JanF, who alerted me to this… essay, diary?
Finding my way through the Denials, and the laughter, so appreciated.
I believe that WordPress calls them Posts. Essay works, some day Diary might get you a quizzical look (kind of like “dialing” a telephone).
And for a modest fee I will fix your Comment typos.
(Edit: Ha. In a moment of synchronicity I just had to fix a typo in my own comment.)
and i promise i’ll shut-up now, but what is cracking me reading the Denials is the double negatives.
i recently received a notice from unemployment (my first experience with them!) telling me that to “terminate” the “denial” of benefits (i was laid-off. but someone said i retired voluntarily), all i had to do was show proof of employment after the date of my lay-off. i didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
JanF, you will grow rich from my typos. I’m happy- in-advance- for the windfall coming your way!
Don’t forget to look around at all the other cool stuff. Noontime news, HEMMED In, Campus Chatter.
am overwhelmed! still on the left-hand side with questions… and can’t seem to find the edit function on our comments?
Sorry.
Only admins and editors have that feature. That is where the payoff money comes in.
ahhhh….. that makes perfect sense.
so, is there a Top Typo Prize? (i
except, expect, to be in the running.And now I see where you got the idea that you could edit your comments. You actually READ the documentation about the site and it was in there. I fixed it.
shhh… don’t tell anyone i read. that would blow my cover!!!
ack, i can see now how you’re going to get rich from this place.
whoops, this should have been a reply, not a new nest thing. btw, for the first time ever, because i’m stubborn, i clicked on an RSS or RRS feed or whatever those things are. i have always and forever disliked them without investigating them. they seem pretty okay. didn’t crash the computer. who knows, maybe the squirrel is too, i dunno. sigh.
Welcome kj in missouri… like your description of chatting your way through life- me too. I look forward to hearing your stories and wish you well on your first day with the new job.
I can see how active listening might be easier with pre-schoolers. They are usually so present. I have a 4 year old grand-daughter and a 2 year old grand-son. I think back to when my sons were small and I know I was sometimes guilty of not really listening but then they talked constantly.